Thursday, April 3, 2008

Pray for me!

I guess my blog is more of a serious blog.

I've always been told that I lack a sense of humor.

I think I'm a thinker, a ponderer.

And it shows in my posts.

Oh, lots of funny things happen in any given day here at my house, and yes, you may find a post about them now and again.....and I do laugh, really I do...

But my overarching thoughts right now are deep and tough and given to the nether parts of my soul and heart.

And I guess my blog reflects that.

Right now, I want to rally all my friends out there across the nation.

Please pray for me!

I really want a full womb again! I want to conceive, have a positive pregnancy test, hear a heartbeat in my tummy......I want to feel those first flutterings and when I look in the mirror, I want to see that luminous glow one gets in pregnancy, as if a candle was lit within. I want to have one of those cute pregnancy ticker-count downs on my blog. I want to wear all of those great maternity clothes I packed away. I want the chance to use all of the wonderful, tiny clothes that lie hidden in the reaches of my mother's hope chest, over there by the front window, just a heartbeat away.

But......

I'm in the middle of some health issues right now......

And I'm scared to death to embrace a full womb again, even when my heart sobs just to look at other expectant moms. Even when it's really all I hope for.

The fear is very real, and ever present with me. It dogs me, follows me, sniffs at the door to my heart every day.

Ah, to live without fear! To embrace what God has for me, with abandon, without looking back over my shoulder!

I want to live in this moment, to live out loud, true to the call He has for me!

If this is what my heart, my soul, really every fiber of my being wants....

If I'm standing on the edge of the diving board, looking into the clear, crystal, refreshing waters below me........

Then why is it so hard to jump?

6 comments:

Marsha said...

I wish I had answers for you, my dear sweet friend.

But all I can do is pray... and I will pray.

Love,
Marsha

Heath Clan said...

Wow! I got to your blog through Karen's. I am amazed. I know where Longview is. Your recent posts are so true. You seem to be struggling with many of the same issues that I am.

If you want to check out our weblog at Heath Happenings, please do.

Gayle said...

Praying for God to give you clarity about the "why's" of this season. He is so good to us even when the enemy wants us to believe it's just cruelty. He is going to show you something huge in this trial, Leanne, and from the outside looking in, I am excited for you.

Marcie said...

I have praying for your womb to be filled since I met you last July!! I will continue to pray daily my sister in the LORD!!

mylittleducks5 said...

I am still praying also for you and your family. As I read this I thought of Psalm 23. It is a beautiful passage to pray through. The fact that He can bring us to a place of rest in your spirit amongst the wolves of life is just so reassuring.

:>Michelle

Emily said...

Fear is awful. I know from my own life. Memorize 2 Tim. 1-7?