Thursday, April 24, 2008

Never alone, always at home.

I am not alone.

I am home.

I am not drowning in the water of grief and despair and anguish any more.

Praise God!

I ended my post yesterday with the words "that day was the beginning of the end."

That may have sounded hopeless, helpless, to some of you, but let me explain.

That day was the end of who I was.

That day was the end of the old me, and the beginning of my becoming. I didn't know that then, but I see it crystal clearly, with startling clarity, now.

Becoming takes a long time. I wonder if it is ever finished.

In my deepest heart, I just knew, intuitively, that I was not alone that day. And the next day, when the shock had had a chance to wear off, I felt that sense of being held, of being sheltered, of being in the secret place of the Most High God.

I still feel that. That feeling never went away.

I believe that God has a very special grace, a very special care, for mommies who have lost babies. The only reason I know that is because I'm in the middle of that care and grace right now.

And that is the reason why I am able to sing this song. I love this song. I'm poetic by nature. I'm lavish by nature. I love a beautiful turn of phrase and that's the way I think.

That said, being poetic and thinking in poetry, I still couldn't write a better song than this.

It says every thing I ever wanted to say to my Father. It expresses every drop, every drink, the very essence of what I feel for the One Who has rescued me.

I don't know how to say exactly how I feel.
And I can't begin to tell You what Your love has meant.
I'm lost for words.
Is there a way to show the passion in my heart?
Can I express how truly great I think You are,
My dearest friend.
Lord, this is my desire,
To pour my love on You.

Like oil upon Your feet,
Like wine for You to drink,
Like water from my heart,
I'll pour my love on You.
If praise is like perfume,
I'll lavish mine on You,
till every drop is gone.
I'll pour my love on You.

Phillips, Craig and Dean, from the CD "Let My Words Be Few"

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