Friday, September 30, 2011


Today, I'm remembering.

I remember last September.

I remember September 28, 2010.

That day, I found out that my life was about to change forever.

I found out we were going to have identical twin girls.

I was on Cloud Nine.

I was so ecstatic.  I was so grateful.  I was so flummoxed.

I had met Baby A (Pennie Jane) and Baby B (Olivia Caroline), and I had fallen promptly in love.  With my whole heart!

I remember seeing those two little heads on the screen. 

It's amazing what a difference a year makes.

I will never, ever, as long as I draw breath, forget that I had two babies in my tummy.  I will always, everlastingly be deeply thankful to God for giving me as much time with them as He did. 

That Fall was beautiful.  The color was magnificent here.  We do get the changing of the seasons where we live, which I'm so glad for!

I read a quote somewhere, recently.  I'm not sure where I read it or exactly when, but here it is:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened!"

Today, more than the grief and tears and anguish and agony of the past year, I find myself so glad God chose me to be the vessel for my twin babies, and that Olivia was in the secret, secure place when Jesus summoned her to His side.  I am so glad.  Fortunate.  Blessed.  And thankful.  And I find myself, the past few weeks, bending more.  I feel like I'm more flexible for His will for me.

If you're in a hard spot right now, allow God to bring the good memories back to you, and please, try to thank Him for bringing you where you are right now.

I'd love to pray for you, so if you have a prayer request, email me and I will bring it to the Lord on your behalf.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened!"

Monday, September 12, 2011

Someone's Growing

Well, it's here.

Our Pennie has hit the 6 month mark!

Actually, she's really almost 7 months old.....

I marvel, sometimes with tears of nostalgia, at how swiftly time passed since we welcomed her into our world. 

Sometimes, my heart can't help but ask, "what if?"  What if Olivia was here? What if Pennie and Olivia were still together? What if I had both of them to fill up my arms? Truthfully, I do have many such moments, still, but I've learned that it's okay to ask those questions, and when my heart is most wrenched and when anguish and tears come seeking me out, I just take a *very deep* breath and call out to the Lord.  That's how I've been able to walk this path and stay on it!

What is Pennie up to these days? She has some nicknames, like Butt Nutt, Moomer, Doodle.....and we have a dear friend who calls her Pretzel!

She is now sitting up by herself! She can also get herself down from a sitting position, but I think so far it's an accidental thing.
She can roll from her back to her tummy now, but not from her tummy to her back yet.
She is getting up on her hands and knees and rocking back and forth.
She is nursing about every 2.5 hours.  We tried solids in hopes that she would sleep longer at night, but that was DISASTROUS!!! So, we will try again in a month or so.
She sleeps, on a good night, about 6 hours.  Yay for good nights!!
She has two tiny teeth on the bottom gums.
She is still wearing mostly 3-6 month clothes, but some 6-9 month clothes
We have lots of girl clothes, but they are all the wrong sizes for the wrong seasons! Gymboree, here I come!!
She is wearing size 3 Huggies Snug n Dry.  They are still very big on her but the size 2's were too short and we were having leaks because of that.
She weighs 16 lbs.  She is very small for her age.
Mama is her favorite person!

I was advised when I was pregnant with The Babies, and after Olivia died, that Pennie may have some problems.  Mainly, they were concerned about Cerebral Palsy, as a result of the large placenta and my body not knowing that it needed to cut off some of the blood supply going to The Babies in light of Olivia's death.  My specialist told me that we wouldn't know if Cerebral Palsy was an issue till later in her life.  I do believe that she is having some issues with her fine motor skills.  She cannot grasp objects very well and seems to have trouble bending her fingers to grasp.  She has trouble holding on to an object for any length of time, but I think that she is behind by about two or three months in what she "should be doing" for her age and compared to my other babies.  I do believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her cognitive mind.  She also startles very easily still.....but you know what? We don't care! We feel sooooo blessed that God let her live and grace us with her presence! We simply want to know what is what so we can help her here in our home.

She is still sleeping in our room in a crib, mainly because we have absolutely NO room in this house for her to be in with the girls.  But we hope that may change soon....

I do wish I could share pics of her with you all, but I just can't figure out how to load pics from a digital camera on this dumb PC!

So, that about wraps it up.  Time to finish up dinner!