Friday, August 28, 2009

Motherhood, For Better or Worse

I'm stealing the idea for this post from a couple of other gals whose blogs I really like reading. One of them lives in Minnesota, and one lives in Arkansas, and I'm sure neither one of them knows that little-ol'-me reads their blogs!

I've been a mom for almost 15 years. Wow. That's a long time doing something that I never, even in my wildest, most vivid, most lofty imaginings, ever thought I'd be doing. I want to let you all in on the things that are EASIER about motherhood than I thought they'd be, and the things that are HARDER about motherhood than I thought they'd be. Here goes:

The Easier things:

  • Childbirth. Yeah, I said it, and I've never even had an epidural either! I'm too scared of the needle to get one. Without doubt or question, each and every one of my labors have been off-the-charts easy. Yet, I still fear labor and delivery, every time. I know, I'm mental. The labor and delivery part is easy-peasy. It's the aftermath that nearly kills me. I'm a bleeder. Near catastrophic bleeder. I almost died after I had Samantha, back in 1998. Yet I chose to do it again. After that near-catastrophy, Dr W made extensive notes on my chart, and we knew what to expect ever after that. So I never worried again about afterwards. It still stinks to lose nearly half of your blood in a matter of minutes though....But I'll do labor and delivery any time of day, any time God wants me to.
  • Nursing. With the exception of the fiasco with trying to nurse Russell, nursing has been easy-breezy for me. And the reason I think this is is because I have prayed about nursing each time. I pray that it would go easy for me, and that Baby is born nursing well. This has been the case 6 out of 7 times for me. Hannah, my first born girl, was born trying desperately to shove her little paws in her mouth. She knew what to do from the get go. I feel incredibly blessed, and I do recognize how blessed I am with nursing. I'd love to help other mamas in that area some day.
  • Having more than three kids. Having more than three kids has been soooo much easier than everyone thinks it is! The reason is that my husband and I have worked hard to try and train each child up to have discipline and a helpful nature. That is the key if you are going to have kids! And another reason it's easy to have more than three is because the first kids grow up and get older and put into practice all that we've taught them all these years!
  • Living in a small house. Living in a small house with a very large family is lots easier than I ever thought it would be. I like our small quarters because it forces us to be creative and hardnosed about what we keep and where we keep it. We presently have 9 people, including two adults, one teenager, two pre-teens, and several young children, in a 1296 square foot space. All the girls sleep in one room, with the exception of Lucie, and she sleeps in our room in her crib. Russell has his own room. We love always knowing where each other is, and we love our cozy space. Though some well meaning individuals think we need a bigger house, and in theory, it sounds good, we would sure miss our small space!
  • Homeschooling older kids. Homeschooling older kids is so much easier because they are self taught, and they actually want to help teach the younger kids! Even Hannah wants to get in on the teaching. I told my two older girls that they could pick two days a week which they wanted me to teach the younger girls, then they could teach the rest of the time. I think Samantha, girl number two, particularly likes it. Get your older kids in on teaching the younger ones! Give them a rough outline on what you'd like done, then let them go. You'll be pleasantly surprised at their resourcefulness and at the turn around they will make in other areas that were once maybe quite difficult as your older ones get a feeling of increased responsibility and importance.
Now, the things that are harder:

  • Finding enough energy to meet the demands of each day. This is my eternal struggle. I never seem to have enough energy to keep up with my day. I have some physical issues that we aren't sure what they are yet, and just the sheer activity that goes on in this house day to day, truthfully, I have not the faintest, foggiest, slightest notion of how I've been able to keep up! Oh. Wait. Yes I do! I know How! It's Jesus Christ, and the utter faithfulness of my Father, which gets me through. He is my strength. He is my reason for doing what I do. He is everything to me. Praise You, Father!
  • Having a Boy. There. I said it. I absolutely adore my Boy. He is above and beyond, without question, one of the most fabulous young men I know. But he's, well, he's a B O Y. Are you following me here?? I'm not sure how to DO a boy. But praise God, I have his dad to lean on. My boy is not hard, by any stretch of the imagination. He is just different than me. Different personality. Different make up. With the wisdom from God, I'm learning how to parent a Boy Teenager.
  • Having this much love in my heart. It sounds weird, but I kid you not, some days, my heart is so full that it nearly bursts. I am an intensely emotive person, and I have such deep feelings for these kids! Nobody told me it was going to be like this. It's both good and bad. I sometimes cry over silly stuff, and the fact that they're growing up way too fast for me is almost my undoing. I am having a hard time letting go and letting them experience things. I have never. EVER. Experienced feelings like this. And they just get stronger with every baby that God gives us. God is all wise and He knew that I needed to be a mama, even if I didn't know. He is my Help, and my soother.
That's all I can think of for now. I'm sure that's enough!! I'd like to read your better-and-worse posts!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sunday Thoughts

~~Silly girls. Kellie, 6 and Sofia, 3 act like themselves.

~~I'm waiting for everyone to get up and grace me with their presence.

~~ It's Sunday and Daddy's HOME! I don't have to wake him up this morning. He needs to catch up on his sleep and Sundays is the day he does it.

~~Read Balancing The Sword last night while we were eating. It was a good discussion of manna and trust.

~~Watched the Walton's last night after Bible time. Mama was nodding off and it was only 9 pm!

~~Lucie fell asleep on Daddy last night during family time. So cute.

~~Craving peaches and whipped cream right now.....weird.

~~Going to my folks' place tomorrow. Dave's off and we have lots of work to do to be able to move in this fall.

~~Going to try a new leave in hair conditioner. My hair can get dry and frizzy. Hope it helps. It's called Aussie Leave in and you spray it in and leave it.

~~I have things to list on eBay but every time I try to find the pics on Dave's Mac, I can't find them! Nothing is labeled very well on there, and I don't know if they're on the laptop......

~~I really want to have a more interesting blog, but as I said in the above sentence, I can't find any pictures to post! It's a confused jumble to me and I always have to go through hundreds of meaningless pictures to get to the ones I want.

~~I started taking iron supplements again yesterday. Ferrous Gluconate. I have very, very poor, very weak blood due to an iron storage problem. I think it's already helping!

~~We have a small pumpkin patch out below our front window, and Sofia, who's 3, came in the other day and said "Mama, dose punkpins are cute and soft". Couldn't have said it any better myself!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Words on Wednesday

I'm meditating today on poverty.....

The poverty-stricken soul.

Let me explain what this group of words mean to me.

I read this morning, in my devotional time, about the poor in spirit whom Jesus spoke of in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5. My mind and spirit were opened up and I was enlightened to think on this concept in a new, fresh way. And so, I wanted to share with you who read my blog, for this is really the core reason why I blog.

I always thought that Jesus was addressing those who were poor in material possessions in this verse. I thought that those who were poor and needy Christians would receive the Kingdom of Heaven by virtue of their simple, utilitarian lifestyles, because, doesn't it make sense that, if you have less materially, as a Christian, then isn't it easier to be used by God? So went my immature, rather unenlightened reasoning....

Until the Lord caused my eyes to be opened to some truths that He wanted to show me.

Yes, the Lord was talking about the poor, but what did the word "poor" really mean? I wanted to know, so I went on a search.

I looked up Matthew 5:3 in my favorite online concordance and searched out the word "poor". What I found flummoxed me.

The word "poor" in the Greek language is "ptochos". These are the definitions for the word that my concordance gave:

1) reduced to beggary, begging, asking alms. 2) lowly, afflicted, destitute of the Christian virtues and eternal riches. 3) helpless, powerless to accomplish an end. 4) poor, needy. 5) lacking in everything as respects the spirit....

Helpless, powerless to accomplish an end.

"Poor" comes from the word "ptosso", which means "to crouch".

When I found out where the word "poor" came from, this verse made more sense to me than it ever has before.

To crouch. This brings to my mind an image of a beggar, hunkered down, hunched, dirty, bedraggled, at the end of himself as he crouches at the gates. Utterly forsaken by those around him, with nowhere else to go and completely out of options.

We must first recognize the utter poverty of our own souls before we can have any kind of true relationship with Him. We must first become like this beggar, because it is the poverty-stricken soul that comes crouching, hobbling, to the Gates of Heaven that is the soul most willing, most able, to be molded and shaped and used. It is this kind of soul that Jesus wishes for us to have.

Jesus Christ Himself tells us, in Luke 18:25, that indeed it would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into Heaven. I know this verse speaks of the rich young ruler who had all he could ever want or desire materially, but to me, this verse speaks of a soul which has grown fat, lazy and lackadaisical.

And so, I pray that my soul would never grow like the rich young ruler who went away from Jesus that day sad and very troubled in his spirit! May we all be like the beggar, soiled, disarranged, out of order, running broken to Jesus, so that He can clean, arrange, and put into His order our souls.

Copyright 2009 by leeswords. Please do not reproduce these or any other copyrighted material from leeswords in any form or fashion without first obtaining permission from the author. Thank you.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tasty Tuesday

Here's a recipe I think you guys will really like.

I know, I said I was going to post regularly.

I also said I was going to post recipes regularly.

Well, I haven't.

I guess you could say my brain is constipated!

Anyway, let's get on with the recipe, shall we??

This is my favorite marinade. It's great on chicken especially. I like to grill the chicken on my family size Lean Mean Grilling Machine, or the outdoor grill....

Awesome Asian Marinade

1 C soy sauce
1/3 C brown sugar
1/4 C fresh lime juice
4 garlic cloves, peeled and squished
1/2 C white wine or zinfandel
2 Tbsp creamy peanut butter
4 Tbsp olive oil
6 chicken breasts or steaks.

Combine all ingredients in a bowl with tall sides. Whisk together well. Place meat into a resealable plastic bag. Pour marinade over meat. This is best when the meat marinates overnight. Drain and discard marinade. Grill meat till done and juices run clear or till steaks are desired doneness.

I love to serve this with brown rice. Sometimes I save some of the marinade out before I pour it over the meat and warm it so that we can drizzle it over the rice.

Copyright 2005 leeswords

Monday, August 17, 2009


I sat at the fire last night
and looked up at the sky
in its night clothes,
and I,
with soft wonder,
never cease to marvel
at the magnificent display
of God's splendor.

I never grow tired
of setting my eyes upon
the Lord's handiwork,
everywhere in evidence,
a reflection of
the facets of Him.

The stars here
wink and glimmer
as a hundred fold gems
cast about
on the finest black velvet.
So many!

I sigh,
I rest,
and I know
that I too am
His handiwork,

And though
I measure small
against the vast reaches
of endless sky.....

Use me
I know He can.
Want me
I know He does.
Love me
Oh yes!
More than
each star jewel

And I
feel small
no more.

Monday, August 3, 2009


If I always choose the easy way, asking God for peaceful valleys, will I ever see God's power displayed to enable me to take a mountain?

This question blindsided me from my morning devotion this morning. Hmmm....It wasn't phrased as a question. It was an all-out challenge, which I generally do not do well with. But this day the Lord has been asking me this allllllllllll day.


I do pray for peaceful valleys and calm waters all the time. I don't like change, shakings, rough paths! I don't know HOW to mountain climb. I like comfort. Dare I say that I LIKE my complacency?

I've been feeling challenged by God lately. I sense that there is an event or series of events coming into our lives, and I feel woefully inadequate for them. I know I'm not perfect, not qualified, not able, not ready.....not, not, NOT......

The thing is is that He doesn't want me to be ready, or qualified, or perfect, or able!


The Lord spoke to me and showed me that I have this complex, which probably every one of my dear friends has known forever, and this complex is that I feel like I constantly have to be perfect and excellent and wonderful all the time. I have this driving need to be above and beyond perfect. The June Cleaver mom and wife.

And what is so great is that yesterday the Lord spoke to me and told me that He doesn't want me to be any of those things. He showed me that all of the Heroes of Faith in the Bible were just ordinary, every day people. Flawed people. Not perfect. Not leaders.

He chose them because they were surrendered to Him. God can work with people who are flawed and chipped and torn and inadequate!

What a revelation to this tired soul!

He WANTS me imperfect. He WANTS me inadequate. He wants me to not be perfectly equipped.....

So He can do all of those things in me! He wants to work those things in me!

My spirit leaps for joy!

I've always thought He can only use me if I do this and this and that and oh, do that and oh, one more thing, you have to have this and that and that.........whew!

I finally realize the lie that I have been laboring under all of these years, and I'm on the cusp of finding out how to be used by my Father just as I am!

What great news to a heart that wants so badly to be used by God!

So, I ask for mountains with the full knowledge that I don't have to know how to climb them, for He will show me how along the way! I'll be mountain climbing under a mantle of peace and protection, being born on angel's wings lest I dash my foot against a stone (Psalm 91)

I now try to glory in my weaknesses and my challenges, knowing that's right where He wants me so that He can use me!

I'm becoming free!