Today I don't feel so brave.
Today, I look back on my last post and wonder where all the bravado and optimism went!
I just don't feel courageous today...
Lord, I can't take another step on this road that You have laid out for me!!!! I can't!
Lord, I feel as if I am lost in memories today. I feel as though all I can think about is my Janie.
All I want is the feel of her skin next to mine.
All I can smell is her sweet, unique newborn smell.
All I can hear is my favorite nurse murmuring over her as she gently scooped her up.....
God, I need your help right now. I'm feeling lost without my baby and I need Your strength to see the blessings around me.....
Why are the memories bombarding me so strongly after 5 years??
Father, help me to see my Lucie and take comfort in her soft, beautiful skin! Help me to be comforted as I hold her and feed her and stroke her silken baby brown hair!
Help me, Lord, because without You, I would drown.
5 comments:
Hugs and lylas. I don't know what to say. I know the Lord will help you through this.
hey! thanks for leaving a comment on my blog.
I was kind of hoping to go on your blog and see that you are over all of this and don't remember much since it has been 5 years. kind of like a bad dream that never goes away huh? Good to know I am not the only one. I just read your last 2 posts and my heart ached for you as if it just happened. Glad to see all of your precious little "stamps". The doc. told me I had to wait a year til we can try again and I am struggling with that fact right now. One day at a time I guess.
well.
thanks for making me aware of your blog and your story. crazy thing. I had a favorite baby doll growing up and her name was baby janie. I thought about naming our little girl that because it is also my husbands grandma's name but we decided otherwise this time. Love that name!
I have thought about you every May 10th since I "met" you. I still have a list of all of my "sisters in suffering". I'm struggling particularly hard this year as well. I don't think it ever will go away. Some times are easier, others are like she left us yesterday. I haven't been over here in a LONG time, because I thought you closed your blog! SO GLAD to see you posting again. I subscribed so I don't miss anything. Your kids are all so beautiful. I hope you are all doing well.
Much love, Kathryn
Actually, it was May 13th I had on my list...her birthday. Sometime I'd like to tell you what I found out about Madison this past fall. It is why my struggle is so deep this year. :(
Love you, Kathryn
I've been thinking about you, my dear friend!
Praying that God gives you the grace and encouragement you need, right when you need it.
Love you,
Marshy
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