Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Help Me

Today I don't feel so brave.

Today, I look back on my last post and wonder where all the bravado and optimism went!

I just don't feel courageous today...

Lord, I can't take another step on this road that You have laid out for me!!!! I can't!

Lord, I feel as if I am lost in memories today. I feel as though all I can think about is my Janie.

All I want is the feel of her skin next to mine.

All I can smell is her sweet, unique newborn smell.

All I can hear is my favorite nurse murmuring over her as she gently scooped her up.....

God, I need your help right now. I'm feeling lost without my baby and I need Your strength to see the blessings around me.....

Why are the memories bombarding me so strongly after 5 years??

Father, help me to see my Lucie and take comfort in her soft, beautiful skin! Help me to be comforted as I hold her and feed her and stroke her silken baby brown hair!

Help me, Lord, because without You, I would drown.


Christine said...

Hugs and lylas. I don't know what to say. I know the Lord will help you through this.

Aim said...

hey! thanks for leaving a comment on my blog.
I was kind of hoping to go on your blog and see that you are over all of this and don't remember much since it has been 5 years. kind of like a bad dream that never goes away huh? Good to know I am not the only one. I just read your last 2 posts and my heart ached for you as if it just happened. Glad to see all of your precious little "stamps". The doc. told me I had to wait a year til we can try again and I am struggling with that fact right now. One day at a time I guess.
thanks for making me aware of your blog and your story. crazy thing. I had a favorite baby doll growing up and her name was baby janie. I thought about naming our little girl that because it is also my husbands grandma's name but we decided otherwise this time. Love that name!

Kathy said...

I have thought about you every May 10th since I "met" you. I still have a list of all of my "sisters in suffering". I'm struggling particularly hard this year as well. I don't think it ever will go away. Some times are easier, others are like she left us yesterday. I haven't been over here in a LONG time, because I thought you closed your blog! SO GLAD to see you posting again. I subscribed so I don't miss anything. Your kids are all so beautiful. I hope you are all doing well.

Much love, Kathryn

Kathy said...

Actually, it was May 13th I had on my list...her birthday. Sometime I'd like to tell you what I found out about Madison this past fall. It is why my struggle is so deep this year. :(

Love you, Kathryn

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

I've been thinking about you, my dear friend!

Praying that God gives you the grace and encouragement you need, right when you need it.

Love you,