Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Worn



I'm worn out.

That's just the honest truth.

In every way, shape and form I'm exhausted.

Can you relate?

Being a mama is the hardest job I've ever done.  It's the grittiest, dirtiest, toughest, most stark task to ever stare me in the face.

Being a wife is the most relentless journey I've taken.  It's the longest, most serious, most daunting rode on this trip.

Being a Christian is the most disciplining, most sharpening, lowest, most important walk I've ever been on.

And today, as I contemplate everything that's blowing around in the tornado of my mind, I'm just worn out.

I have so many thoughts I'm thinking, so many things I'm feeling, so many ideas forming that I can't keep track of them all.

My shoulders are constantly aching and rock hard from tension.  I catch myself slumping over in abject defeat.  At times, I feel as though I willingly let a loaded semi truck run over me multiple times.  I feel as though I'm standing in a crowded football stadium with my head thrown back, howling at the top decibel of my range, and nobody is even glancing my way.

I see all of this and feel all of this and I've come to the realization that our enemy, the enemy of our mama souls, rejoices in this mind set.  Defeat is his glory.  Exhaustion is his play ground.  Recriminations and endless marching guilt are his joy…..I know this well….

But what to do about it?

I've decided to do some maintenance.  I've decided to do some personal "house cleaning" in my mind and heart.  I've decided it's time to do some overhauling of my soul.

I know I've committed to this overhaul…..

But how do I go about it? How do I clean out the vaults of years past, where the thick dust of discouragements reside and refuse to be hidden? 

How do I sweep out the hallways of regrets and harsh, overpowering voices?

I'll tell you, this seems like a challenging and fearsome task to me.

At this moment, I'm really not sure how I'm going to go about getting healthy in my heart and mind.  I don't know if there are any formulas or programs for cleaning out my spirit…

But in the midst of my bone-deep weariness, I keep coming back to one thing:

Scripture

I keep wanting to grab my Bible and immerse myself in it! I keep finding old notes and thoughts written in other times of drought and marrow-piercing fatigue that speak volumes to me.  I keep thirsting after my Bible's wisdom as one who wanders in the desert for weeks without water! 

So, I know that my relief lies within that sweet, well-used but neglected Book.

Would you do me a life-saving favor? Would you say a prayer for me? Would you lift me up before the Lord whenever you think of me? Because I know that therein, with the kind of strength that lies in numbers of prayer warriors, I know that I'll be renewed!




2 comments:

Tesha Papik said...

Hello my friend I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. I know that weary road all to well. I am not sure what pulls me out when I am in a slump but here is a few things that come to mind.

YES YES YES of coarse the Bible! Journaling is also helpful to me. Reading good books! I just read To Love Honor and Vacuum...great! also Sheet music...it will revive your marriage;) Also spending time with friends...start a mommy support group or mommy class, you can use a book for direction. A date night with my hubby is what keeps a smile on my face also. Yes it is hard to spend money on dinner out but WE "our marriage" is so worth it. If all else fails try a fast...fast anything that will make you pray a lot!!! Rebuke the spirt of weariness and speak out loud that you have all you need in Jesus to fulfill all your obligations. Make sure you take time to rest and refresh without guilt. I give myself an hour here and there to just do nothing and feel no guilt over it. Don't forget to Ask for help!!! I hope something I mentioned will encourage you and help or at least let you know you are not alone. Thank you for sharing your struggle I will be praying for you my friend!

Do not lose heart, Jesus is near! He give strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak!

email me if you need me:)

Renata said...

I can relate so much to this Leanne and I'm not half as busy as you are!
I actually went through a stage where I was so angry with God that I stopped on purpose doing my Bible study (sigh). Well that was the dumbest thing I've ever done. I found myself so craving the Scriptures! I am back to my daily schedule of devotions ~ no more rebelling.
Jud said it best "Mum, I feel all dry inside when I don't read my Bible".
((HUGS)) You are amazing & I am in awe of all you do!
Blessings
Renata:)