Well, I'm officially 40 years old now.
I turned 40 at the end of June. So I've been officially 40 for hmmm, about 2 months now.
You know, before I turned 40, when it loomed up at me from afar, I had horrible daydreams of waking up on the morning of my 40th birthday and looking in the mirror and seeing a horrible, decrepit old toothless hag staring back at me! I was sure that my body would instantly break down and that I'd need a walker and a nursing home. None of that happened, of course, but I was sure that I'd feel so much older. I really wasn't actually looking forward to turning that magic age that put me in a whole new age category!
The fact is, I've felt much older than my age for some time!! When my son turned 15, I really started to feel that pinch, you know? And now that he's 18 and I also have two teenage girls, I realize that they're growing up and that means I'm getting older! Sara turns 13 in 6 months, and that's a lot of teens in our house! It makes me feel tired and inadequate and well.....really 40 for real!
It's sort of common knowledge that 40 is a milestone age, and I felt that it was special, and I wanted to have a special day. I mean, I didn't exactly want to have a surprise birthday party and pony rides and a three-tiered cake, but I guess I wanted to be made a fuss over! I wanted to feel special. I wanted to go shopping and go out to lunch and pick out new books to read and have a manicure and a massage. What gal wouldn't want to feel like a queen for a day? Well.....
I knew that my husband is very preoccupied and I know that he may not have remembered that it was my Big 4-0 birthday, so about a month before my birthday, I disabused myself of any expectations and dealt with any disappointment right then. I knew that it wasn't a good time to really make a big deal of my birthday, and I had to be okay with that. I didn't make any birthday lists. I didn't get all glammed up. I "crumbled up" notions of manicures and massages and shopping trips.
But wait! Don't get me wrong here! I'm NOT complaining.....I have the best gifts already that don't cost any money! I have a great husband who is steady, motivated, energetic, funny, stable, talented, and is an optimist and a super good kisser! I have a whole houseful of best friends in my children, with a Miracle Baby on the way too!
What reason do I have to complain?
I got to go to dinner on my birthday!
My husband and I went to my favorite Mexican restaurant.
I also had my favorite coffee drink!
And okay, I was a trifle let down that nobody seemed to care about my Big Day. Hey, let's be honest here! I was sad and felt a tiny bit forgotten. But I'm over it now. It's okay with me. I know my husband loves me and I know my kids love me too.
I'll just consider the major bathroom redo that will be going on in a couple of weeks to be my late birthday present, along with a bedroom redo too!
If I change my focus to see that every day can be like a birthday, then it seems like a birthday party every day! If I look outside and see my oldest daughter washing the car for me, that sure is a good gift! When my 7 year old gal makes my bed for me, I feel special. When my 12 year old gets me a glass of water, it's like birthday water!!
I'm going to work on seeing every day as a Birthday!