I read the comments on my last post, and I got to feeling like I had alienated or perhaps, ahem, offended people, and my little heart is sad within me at that thought!
The last, I mean, the very last, thing in the world I would want to do is offend anyone!
When I wrote the post about my dear son, I described him in all his glory, yes, but I hope I didn't hurt anyone out there who reads my blog who has real boys! It wasn't my aim.
I have seen other boys with their 4-wheelers and their stuff-and-such-the-like, and if my boy was like that, I know I'd have a heart attack!
I'm such a freaker!
If I were to find a tarantula in our home, I'd run howling from the house!
If I had to go out on a hunt with my man and my boy, I just couldn't do it! Don't get me wrong, I'm not against hunting, I'm just glad I don't have to do it!!! I love my warm bed at the crack of dawn!
I do thank God for bringing me a boy like Russell, because God knew what I needed and what I could handle. He knew just the special little gift to give me, and it was packaged in a different way than most boys, but he is all-boy at the same time.
He loves his computer. He plays Zoo Tycoon and Sim City, which are basically building games. He adores these and saved up his hard earned money for literally years so he could get the latest version. He could get lost in those games if we let him!
He loves Legos more than anything, and he still enjoys them even in his teen years. His 4 oldest sisters saved up their money and each of them gave half their earnings to get him two Indiana Jones Lego sets that he'd been looking at and wanting. He was delighted!
I often hear him in his room making all of the bomb-and-explosion, airplane-battles-and-yelling sounds that go with war games too. Poor guy, he's the only boy around here so he has to be his own best friend!
His favorite movies of all time are the Star Wars movies. He insists the music is the best and the effects are second-to-none, and even wishes we could harness the Force!!! He knows all the characters and can tell me the plot of each, as well as a scene-by-scene synopsis of each too!
And he's not above wrestling with his younger almost-brother Conrad, who's 7 but more like a 13 year old than a 7 year old! That kid loves Russell, and the feeling is totally mutual, and Conrad is the most typical boy! He loves to talk airplanes and battles with Russell, and yes, he loves to rope Russell into an occasional wrestling match when he comes over.
I thank my Father for Russell.......but I'm so glad he's mellow!! lol!!!! I guess I'm scared of what I look at as "real boys". I don't understand them, can't keep up with them, and don't get the whole testosterone thing either! At least not yet...
So if I hurt anyone or sounded like I was anti-boy, please forgive me! I love all of my real-life friends' boys and love it when they come to play.....
And after all, pity me, because I've so far got 5 girls! I've got enough developing estrogen in this house to replace the water in the Pacific Ocean!! And they aren't even teens yet!!
I wonder if Stayfree or Always sells their stock on the stock market, I mean, in about 5 years I will own their company outright anyway, so why not invest??!! lol!!!
Think of the weddings! Think of the fugues! Think of the hair in the drain in the shower, because they all have long, thick hair that women pay oodles of money to have! Think of me when it comes time for courtship, or rather, pray for my dear husband!!
So, even though my boy may not be typical, my house is far from calm and collected!
And Emily, I can't believe it, but I don't have any recent pics of Russell, other than the one that is on my blog, and anyway, even if I did, Russell is very, um, shall we say, protective of his self and would probably die of embarrassment if I posted a picture of him on my blog! So sorry!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Reflections on 13 years with Russell
Yesterday was our only son's 13th birthday!!!
I am now, officially, the mother of a teenager. And not just a teenager, but a teenage boy!
I'm kidding.
Anyone who knows us and who knows my Russell would probably say that he isn't your typical boy. He's studious and quiet.
He's very organized and very calm.
He is a bookworm to the max.
He is well spoken and can hold his own in and actually prefers adult conversation.
He's just an all around really special and unique boy.
We've had none of your typical boy-ness from him, and may I say, Thank You, God! No marking up the walls with Sharpie markers! No tracking in mud on my floors! No running and breaking things and screaming and not being able to sit still! No guns, although he does like them and knows how to shoot well. No congratulating himself on being master of the universe while he triumphantly holds up his latest kill from the wilderness.
And for the absence of all of the above I am extremely and eternally grateful. I pray for all of you moms out there who have a housefull of typical boys, because we have a houseful of typical girls, and you can return the favor and pray for me just because of that! lol!!!!! But I digress.......
We used to imagine what it would be like, all those years ago, when we got to 13. It seems that we blinked too long and now it's upon us, and it is a bit disconcerting how it happened so fast. It really cements the fact that time indeed does fly.
I find myself today being very thankful for modern technology, for without it, my 13 year old son may not be here. He was born 5 weeks early with no warning and was very sick. He stayed in the NICU for 2 weeks.
He's not scarred from his early ordeals, other than severe allergies to foods. And a propensity for vomitting, early on, for about two years. Every bottle came right back up! Didn't it, Gayle!!??
We are so thankful that God gave man the ability and the wisdom to save little lives.
Without that ability, our lives would be so much less joyful today had Russell not survived.
I'm intensely aware of how much we've been given. I'm purposing to be intensely thankful and live in humility for the gift of my children.
And I want to say thank you to my husband because as I type this, he is composing for a movie, and the piece he's playing could easily accompany this post. It's poignant and emotive and gorgeous.........
Just like our Russell.
I am now, officially, the mother of a teenager. And not just a teenager, but a teenage boy!
I'm kidding.
Anyone who knows us and who knows my Russell would probably say that he isn't your typical boy. He's studious and quiet.
He's very organized and very calm.
He is a bookworm to the max.
He is well spoken and can hold his own in and actually prefers adult conversation.
He's just an all around really special and unique boy.
We've had none of your typical boy-ness from him, and may I say, Thank You, God! No marking up the walls with Sharpie markers! No tracking in mud on my floors! No running and breaking things and screaming and not being able to sit still! No guns, although he does like them and knows how to shoot well. No congratulating himself on being master of the universe while he triumphantly holds up his latest kill from the wilderness.
And for the absence of all of the above I am extremely and eternally grateful. I pray for all of you moms out there who have a housefull of typical boys, because we have a houseful of typical girls, and you can return the favor and pray for me just because of that! lol!!!!! But I digress.......
We used to imagine what it would be like, all those years ago, when we got to 13. It seems that we blinked too long and now it's upon us, and it is a bit disconcerting how it happened so fast. It really cements the fact that time indeed does fly.
I find myself today being very thankful for modern technology, for without it, my 13 year old son may not be here. He was born 5 weeks early with no warning and was very sick. He stayed in the NICU for 2 weeks.
He's not scarred from his early ordeals, other than severe allergies to foods. And a propensity for vomitting, early on, for about two years. Every bottle came right back up! Didn't it, Gayle!!??
We are so thankful that God gave man the ability and the wisdom to save little lives.
Without that ability, our lives would be so much less joyful today had Russell not survived.
I'm intensely aware of how much we've been given. I'm purposing to be intensely thankful and live in humility for the gift of my children.
And I want to say thank you to my husband because as I type this, he is composing for a movie, and the piece he's playing could easily accompany this post. It's poignant and emotive and gorgeous.........
Just like our Russell.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
A foretaste of what's to come
I was sitting here in my broken down rocking chair and a thought hit me, out of the blue.
I remembered that, 4 years ago, I was pregnant. I was scheduled to have my 20 week ultrasound this very week. So I scheduled my ultrasound here in town, at our radiology place, and I was so excited to go! I couldn't wait to see our baby on the screen. There's something about an ultrasound that instantly makes a mama feel so much closer to her unseen baby. It gives face to the flutterings and kickings going on under your heart, doesn't it?? I always look forward to my ultrasounds with intense joy.
This ultrasound was no different. I was expectantly waiting to see our baby and to see if we could find out if we would be adding a boy or a girl to our clan. I had been to this place before and knew the technician who would be doing my scan. That was great, having someone familiar see our baby with me for the first time.
I got on the bed, with my pants pulled low and the requisite warm gel on my tummy. I was literally trembling with excitement!
As she placed her wand on my tummy and slid it around, I was able to see, on the screen, a baby!!! I could place hands and feet and a tiny head! If you have had many ultrasounds, I think you become skilled at deciphering what's what on that blurry, black and white screen.
All was going calmly and smoothly, and you know those techs aren't real chatty!
About 10 minutes into my scan, she suddenly said, "Do you have any heart problems in your family?"
Keep in mind that I was by myself. And I said, "No, not at all," thinking to myself, what a strange question to ask me!
Nothing else was said, and we found out we were having another girl!!! This would be girl baby #5 for the clan! YAY!!!
Fast forward a week. I went in to my doctor for a routine appointment to hear the results of what I was sure was a normal ultrasound.
When I got in there, my dear Dr informed me that there was a question about our baby's heart, and they couldn't be sure what the deal was. He told me that if there was a problem, many surgeries can even be done while I was still pregnant and baby was in the womb. I was shocked because I had been prepared for normal news.
Dr Whelan ordered a second level ultrasound at a clinic in the closest big city, an hour south of us.
I was still trying to take it in. I was really still thinking about when Dr W had said that it was probably nothing, but he wanted to be absolutely certain. I was hanging on to that and was sure it was nothing.
Oh Lord, I had no idea what You had in store for us. Just a few weeks later we would begin a journey that was frightening. Bewildering. Surreal. The journey that You asked us to walk was not the journey I would have chosen. But You saw the beginning from the end, and in Your total wisdom, You chose us to be our girl's parents.
Thank You.
I remembered that, 4 years ago, I was pregnant. I was scheduled to have my 20 week ultrasound this very week. So I scheduled my ultrasound here in town, at our radiology place, and I was so excited to go! I couldn't wait to see our baby on the screen. There's something about an ultrasound that instantly makes a mama feel so much closer to her unseen baby. It gives face to the flutterings and kickings going on under your heart, doesn't it?? I always look forward to my ultrasounds with intense joy.
This ultrasound was no different. I was expectantly waiting to see our baby and to see if we could find out if we would be adding a boy or a girl to our clan. I had been to this place before and knew the technician who would be doing my scan. That was great, having someone familiar see our baby with me for the first time.
I got on the bed, with my pants pulled low and the requisite warm gel on my tummy. I was literally trembling with excitement!
As she placed her wand on my tummy and slid it around, I was able to see, on the screen, a baby!!! I could place hands and feet and a tiny head! If you have had many ultrasounds, I think you become skilled at deciphering what's what on that blurry, black and white screen.
All was going calmly and smoothly, and you know those techs aren't real chatty!
About 10 minutes into my scan, she suddenly said, "Do you have any heart problems in your family?"
Keep in mind that I was by myself. And I said, "No, not at all," thinking to myself, what a strange question to ask me!
Nothing else was said, and we found out we were having another girl!!! This would be girl baby #5 for the clan! YAY!!!
Fast forward a week. I went in to my doctor for a routine appointment to hear the results of what I was sure was a normal ultrasound.
When I got in there, my dear Dr informed me that there was a question about our baby's heart, and they couldn't be sure what the deal was. He told me that if there was a problem, many surgeries can even be done while I was still pregnant and baby was in the womb. I was shocked because I had been prepared for normal news.
Dr Whelan ordered a second level ultrasound at a clinic in the closest big city, an hour south of us.
I was still trying to take it in. I was really still thinking about when Dr W had said that it was probably nothing, but he wanted to be absolutely certain. I was hanging on to that and was sure it was nothing.
Oh Lord, I had no idea what You had in store for us. Just a few weeks later we would begin a journey that was frightening. Bewildering. Surreal. The journey that You asked us to walk was not the journey I would have chosen. But You saw the beginning from the end, and in Your total wisdom, You chose us to be our girl's parents.
Thank You.
A Post in May
I've been thinking lately. Wow, what a big surprise!
I think I spend my life thinking deep thoughts that nobody understands but me and God.
That's okay. I'm a contemplative person. It's how God made me. I was born that way.
I used to annoy myself, and try to be someone else, because who wanted to be friends with someone who spent their time thinking about deep stuff? I used to be so uncomfortable because often I would never have anything to say in a gathering of lots of people, or I would chastise myself or beat myself up for being too wordy or tell myself that I talked too much about weird, silly things.
I think I'm over all that now and I've come to accept who I am.
I've felt a post brewing in my heart for some time now. May is the perfect time for me to write it. I'll tell you why.
We had a stillborn baby.
It will be four years on May 13th since she was born. And I still carry that deep pain around with me. I've realized, over the past few weeks, that it hurts. It still hurts. The pain is part of who I am now.
And I've been contemplating that, because that's what I do. I store things like that in a place in my heart and then I study them. Usually out loud. I look at it from all angles, every facet, every different meaning and color.
I think I added the pain of my two miscarriages to the pain of losing our 6th baby. And sometimes that compounded pain takes my breath away.
So, in an effort to be free, to live joyously and out loud, I will be doing a post on May 13th about our baby girl who does not live here on earth with us. Maybe I'll do more than one. It's my way of healing. Writing about those days and weeks is therapy for me.
I've been remembering. I've been taking out the memories from the dusty reaches of my being and seeing things I didn't see before. I want to tell her story, and I want to tell it to all of you.
I want to tell her story because I want you all to know that you are not alone. If you have that kind of silent pain sitting inside your heart, you are not the only one. I want to tell a story of hope, of loss, and I want my story to point steadily to the One Who has been steady for me all these years.
I pray that my story can be a story of healing. I believe one of the reasons I've been allowed to experience pain like that is so that I can be closer to the Lord, and hopefully I can lead other women there as well.
I pray that as I write her story, the Holy Spirit will be very present. If I can be a conduit for His ministrations, I say, Lord bring on the memories and the pain and the loss, for I want your words to flow out of my mouth.
I think I spend my life thinking deep thoughts that nobody understands but me and God.
That's okay. I'm a contemplative person. It's how God made me. I was born that way.
I used to annoy myself, and try to be someone else, because who wanted to be friends with someone who spent their time thinking about deep stuff? I used to be so uncomfortable because often I would never have anything to say in a gathering of lots of people, or I would chastise myself or beat myself up for being too wordy or tell myself that I talked too much about weird, silly things.
I think I'm over all that now and I've come to accept who I am.
I've felt a post brewing in my heart for some time now. May is the perfect time for me to write it. I'll tell you why.
We had a stillborn baby.
It will be four years on May 13th since she was born. And I still carry that deep pain around with me. I've realized, over the past few weeks, that it hurts. It still hurts. The pain is part of who I am now.
And I've been contemplating that, because that's what I do. I store things like that in a place in my heart and then I study them. Usually out loud. I look at it from all angles, every facet, every different meaning and color.
I think I added the pain of my two miscarriages to the pain of losing our 6th baby. And sometimes that compounded pain takes my breath away.
So, in an effort to be free, to live joyously and out loud, I will be doing a post on May 13th about our baby girl who does not live here on earth with us. Maybe I'll do more than one. It's my way of healing. Writing about those days and weeks is therapy for me.
I've been remembering. I've been taking out the memories from the dusty reaches of my being and seeing things I didn't see before. I want to tell her story, and I want to tell it to all of you.
I want to tell her story because I want you all to know that you are not alone. If you have that kind of silent pain sitting inside your heart, you are not the only one. I want to tell a story of hope, of loss, and I want my story to point steadily to the One Who has been steady for me all these years.
I pray that my story can be a story of healing. I believe one of the reasons I've been allowed to experience pain like that is so that I can be closer to the Lord, and hopefully I can lead other women there as well.
I pray that as I write her story, the Holy Spirit will be very present. If I can be a conduit for His ministrations, I say, Lord bring on the memories and the pain and the loss, for I want your words to flow out of my mouth.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
stealing a meme
I'm being a thief and stealing a meme from Cindy at Still His Girl. It's a good one, and you can get to know me better with this meme!!
What were you doing 10 years ago:
Nah. I know nobody has time to do these things!!
What were you doing 10 years ago:
- I found out I was pregnant with Baby #3. I had a two year old son and a 6 month old baby girl, nursing on demand, and on the mini-pill......Surprise!!!! Baby #3 was to be a Christmas 1998 baby....another present! We lived a few streets away from here in a 900 sq ft, 2 bedroom house. We still call that place our little "Love Nest".
- Call dermatologist for appt for my son and myself.
- Call ophthalmologist for appt for myself.
- Get more eggs and transmission fluid. Transmission fluid for my hubbie's car!
- Try to stay away from Scrap Happy while I'm out running to the store.
- Make more cards for my dear friend.
- Guacamole. I don't even need chips!
- My own hummus and rice crackers.
- Activia yogurt with quick oats and cinnamon mixed in. I eat the yogurt with added live cultures because I'm lactose intolerant and it's easier on my tummy. I can only eat this once in a while.
- My oldest daughter's blended coffee drinks. This is like dessert to me!
- Homemade pico de gallo. And loaded nachos to go with it!!
- My husband would quit his Post Office job.
- My husband would work from the home composing music scores for Independent Christian movies. This is his real job, his real love, and the one he does when he comes home from his day job!
- Build our dream house, complete with a studio for my husband.
- Shop at the Goodwill. Still.
- Go on as we have been all these years.
- Being sarcastic with my children. Hands down. Number one horrible thing. I must work to stop this. Sarcasm sounds awful coming out of the mouth of babes.
- Trying to control everything. This is bondage.
- Getting sucked into the computer and allowing myself to spend too much time on the internet.
- Forgetting to eat. At all times. And hurting my tenuous health doing so.
- Not spoiling my husband like he deserves.
- Making food at Taco Bandito in Castle Rock. I got yelled at one night by the manager of the adjacent pizza place, in front of customers, for messing up her order. That was my last day there!
- Housekeeper at Comfort Inn in Kelso. I was there before it opened. When we had to scrape grout and caulk off of the floors and tubs. I worked there for about a year. It was my favorite job.
- Ben Franklin Crafts and Frame. I loved that job! I started in Hard Crafts and then graduated to a cashier position, where I stayed for over a year. I worked there until two months into my marriage, and my husband and I were making $800 between us every month! He got the Post Office job two months after we got married and I was blessed to become a stay at home wife!
- A brief time at a local resale shop in town. I love the owners and still shop there.
- And those are the only jobs I have ever had. Ever.
Nah. I know nobody has time to do these things!!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
More about Tide
Okay gals. I wanted to do a supplemental post to my review of Tide laundry detergent. Many of you may be wondering if you can use Tide if you have a septic system. I care about that!! I do not have a septic system, since we live in the city, but I did some research and came up with some things that I think would be nice for all of you people on septic systems to know.
First of all, let me say that I use Tide 2X Ultra liquid in the original scent. I am able to use less than it recommends on the back of the bottle. I do not use powder because I found that using powder caused strange stains on my clothes and there would be funny (not the ha-ha kind of funny, but the gee, that's interesting kind of funny) powder residue on the clothes and in the washer. It also tended not to rinse out as thoroughly, thereby causing skin irritation. I allow the washer to fill a little bit with hot water, and when it's sudsy (yes, that is a word! Spell check said it was!!) I add my detergent.
I thoroughly read the bottle that is sitting right beside me on the couch just for the purpose of this post, and I could NOT find, anywhere on the bottle, (after I got over being so confused by all the Spanish on there!!) a warning not to use it in your washer if you have a septic system. It is biodegradable and contains no phosphates. My parents also use Tide and live out in the country and have a septic system. My mom has been using Tide for ever.
I researched whether or not Tide was harmful to septic systems this morning before writing this post, and I came up with nothing that said that it could not be used if you have a septic system. I don't know if the powder is safe, but it appears, for all intents and purposes, that Tide is okay for your septic system.
If you are using powder detergent because you think it's cheaper, I encourage you strongly to do your own research. I'm not a big fan of powder, for the reasons listed above. We recently had to take our washer apart because it wasn't working, and when we did, we found all kinds of rotten powder residue, black and rancid, from when we used powder (because we were told it was cheaper) a long time ago. It was totally gross! I read an article this morning about a lady who actually runs her sheets and towels through the washer twice because they weren't rinsing well and that was causing skin irritations and rashes.
So, there it is in a nutshell. I don't know why someone would say that Tide wasn't safe for a septic system. I don't have any explanations for that. But I think that if Tide was not safe for septic systems, then that would mean that millions of people could not use it, making it one of the non selling products out there on the market, and I do believe that Tide is a top seller, so that really didn't make sense to me.
Do your research before you buy things!
First of all, let me say that I use Tide 2X Ultra liquid in the original scent. I am able to use less than it recommends on the back of the bottle. I do not use powder because I found that using powder caused strange stains on my clothes and there would be funny (not the ha-ha kind of funny, but the gee, that's interesting kind of funny) powder residue on the clothes and in the washer. It also tended not to rinse out as thoroughly, thereby causing skin irritation. I allow the washer to fill a little bit with hot water, and when it's sudsy (yes, that is a word! Spell check said it was!!) I add my detergent.
I thoroughly read the bottle that is sitting right beside me on the couch just for the purpose of this post, and I could NOT find, anywhere on the bottle, (after I got over being so confused by all the Spanish on there!!) a warning not to use it in your washer if you have a septic system. It is biodegradable and contains no phosphates. My parents also use Tide and live out in the country and have a septic system. My mom has been using Tide for ever.
I researched whether or not Tide was harmful to septic systems this morning before writing this post, and I came up with nothing that said that it could not be used if you have a septic system. I don't know if the powder is safe, but it appears, for all intents and purposes, that Tide is okay for your septic system.
If you are using powder detergent because you think it's cheaper, I encourage you strongly to do your own research. I'm not a big fan of powder, for the reasons listed above. We recently had to take our washer apart because it wasn't working, and when we did, we found all kinds of rotten powder residue, black and rancid, from when we used powder (because we were told it was cheaper) a long time ago. It was totally gross! I read an article this morning about a lady who actually runs her sheets and towels through the washer twice because they weren't rinsing well and that was causing skin irritations and rashes.
So, there it is in a nutshell. I don't know why someone would say that Tide wasn't safe for a septic system. I don't have any explanations for that. But I think that if Tide was not safe for septic systems, then that would mean that millions of people could not use it, making it one of the non selling products out there on the market, and I do believe that Tide is a top seller, so that really didn't make sense to me.
Do your research before you buy things!
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