Okay, here's the first Baby Update!!
You know, the thing that I keep thinking about is that I was peaceful yesterday. That's what I keep thinking about. It's what amazes me so far, that through this whole pregnancy, I've had so much peace. I've had a settled, peaceful heart. My mind has been peaceful. My thoughts have been peaceful. I'm just overwhelmed by peacefulness.
Now let me say that this peace is incredibly unlike me. Every pregnancy that I've had for the past 9 years has been fraught with anxiety, fear, terror, nightmares, tears, and a general, overall feeling of unrest. Pregnancy for the past 9 years has not been fun for me as it ought to be. So this unexpected peace just hits me every day as so welcome!
So, let's get on to the the reason why you're reading this post, shall we?? I promise I'm not trying to stall or draw it out or make you crazy, I just can't stop marveling at the blanket of peace that has settled over me!
On this first visit to my midwife, I wasn't sure exactly how long it would take me to get there, so I left the house with enough of a time cushion in case I got lost. I didn't want to be rushed and frantic!
I also gave in to my weakness and got my favorite coffee drink on the way!!
My midwife lives about 45 minutes away, and I borrowed my father-in-law's wife's car, because our van is still broken down. I took my daughter Samantha, who is 14, with me. I had asked her to come with me earlier in the month, but then I started to have second thoughts in case there was something wrong. So, I asked her if she still wanted to come, even in the event of bad news, and she said yes. We set out and I was STILL not nervous!!!
It turns out that we got there a HALF HOUR early!!! I misjudged how long it would take and how much time I'd need to get there!! We sat down in her waiting room and I fully expected to get hit with a wave of terror and anxiety.....but I never did!
The midwife has a great fish tank full of huge gold fish and she has an extensive book collection, so we sat and watched the fish and gazed at all of the books and listened to the relaxing music playing on the sound system.
Finally, she called us back.
The peace did NOT let up!
I laid down on the bed and she asked me a couple of questions while she got the gel ready. She didn't make me wait for the ultrasound. She knew my history and she probably thought I was freaking out. So I laid down and she gooped the gel on my tummy and placed the wand on me.
And I saw the most wonderful miracle in the world right away, on that screen.
Our baby was waving and kicking and squirming around in there like there was party music playing! The midwife was exclaiming at how good Baby looked and how much we could see, even being only 2.5 months along.
She said that the fact that Baby was squirming that way meant that there was nothing wrong with the spine.
We could see tiny fingers and little teenie feet, even though her ultrasound machine must be at least 20 years old or more. I was definitely not expecting to see as much as we did!
She said the placenta looked amazing and healthy for this stage in the game. She said she likes to see what looks like a layer cake, with the placenta, the fluid and the baby, and she likes to see 1/3 of each. The ratio of placenta/fluid/Baby in my tummy was more than perfect. It astonished her! She let us look for as long as we wanted, and she really loved looking at Baby too!
Then we took the doppler and began to listen for the heartbeat. Since Baby was dancing around in there so much, we could only hear the heartbeat for a couple of seconds before we would lose it, and then we'd find it again, then we'd lose it, and this was how it went for about a half hour. The doppler told us that Baby's heart rate was 143, even though we couldn't hear it for more than a couple of seconds. She said that was perfect and she wasn't worried that we didn't hear it constantly. She had seen the heart on the ultrasound and she saw Baby partying in there, so she was totally certain everything was awesome.
Listen, I'm not sure I can explain what that whole experience did for me. First of all, the midwife was incredibly compassionate and very, very understanding. She was calm, confident, peaceful, and very, very kind. There was nothing clinical or abrupt about her. I saw her treat each one of her patients like good friends. She was so happy that things looked so good in there and that made my day.
While we were looking at Baby on the ultrasound, Baby was just rockin' away, and I mentioned that I had felt my second baby, Hannah, move at 13 weeks. She said that with this Baby moving so much and so strongly, Baby would kick the fluid and the fluid would do the ripple effect that happens when you throw a pebble into a pond, and with the good amount of fluid I have, it would bang the side of my uterus, and I ought to be feeling movement already!!!!! Hmmm, so those ripples I've been feeling weren't just huge muscle spasms! Amazing. And sometimes I feel tiny pokes and vibrations.
My blood pressure is perfect. My weight, eh, not so much, but she said it isn't important how much I weigh right now, what's important is trying not to gain too much weight, since I'm officially overweight for my body frame at the start of this pregnancy.
Upon seeing our baby, this light, airy bubble inflated under my feet and let me tell you, I was ecstatic. I almost burst into tears. I praised God out loud. I lifted my hands right there, right on the bed, in that room. I told God how grateful I am and how good He is. I thanked Him for this baby.
She has these awesome butterflies hanging from the ceiling above the bed, and they're different sizes, but they look like fairy wing butterflies, and I felt like one of those ethereal butterflies as I lay there!
Sigh. Yes, there has been a lot of dreamy sighing from me!!
I think I floated home.
I feel as though I've been given the go-ahead to officially start planning for this baby. I feel as though it's just okay now. It was like an early birthday present to get to see our baby.
And the peace? It never left. It still flows. I'm engulfed, enveloped, surrounded.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it's because of all of your prayers for me and Baby this whole time. I know that, as the Bible says, whenever two or more come together in agreement, He is there in the middle of them. Now, we may not all be holding hands in the same room and looking at each other, but I feel that we're together in our hearts, in our spirits.
That is the most important thing to me! Your prayers, and the strength that flows over me because of them, is priceless and immeasurable and I cherish them deeply!!!!!!!
Another awesome thing is that my dearest friend, who lives south of me, is also pregnant after such heartache and struggle. She's much further along then I am, and she also went to her midwife yesterday and her baby boy is looking fantastic and she was given the green light to be able to give birth safely in just two weeks!!!!!! That was just another piece of joy for my heart!
So, it looks like we're going to get to hold and snuggle and kiss on our baby come Christmas time!!!
And I couldn't be more ecstatic and peaceful!