Update

I am now about three days overdue.

I was due Friday the 27th.  

I saw my midwife today.  I was really looking forward to it! I was confident that Baby Boy was head down and engaged and just biding his time.  We just came for a very quick appointment.

Well.

Despite the fact that Baby Boy was head down at my last appointment, and head down on Friday, his head is now up by my left rib cage.  Basically, he is laying across my tummy with nothing down in the birth canal.  

This is not what I wanted to hear!

My midwife recommended going to the hospital immediately and having him turned and then induced.

This is also not what I wanted to hear.

I was surprised at how concerned she was.  I was surprised that she was so quick to recommend the hospital and the doctor and all of that.  She usually is not like that.

She was not optimistic that he could turn head down again.

Well.

After prayer and thought, Dave and I have decided that we will do everything we can to make him turn naturally before we give in to going to the hospital.  We believe in the power of prayer and we believe that God knows our desire, which is to have a home birth with our midwife and to not have to have to go to the hospital.

So we have decided that I will continue to go to the chiropractor.  I will do those things that I was told to do to keep him head down, like getting on all fours on the floor and basically kissing the floor with my bum up in the air. I'm going to be doing this several times a day.  I will be laying on my right side several times a day and playing music for him.  I will be slathering peppermint oil on my tummy.  

I'll be praying like mad and just concentrating on Baby Boy turning.

You see, if I didn't know that he has been head down a lot during this pregnancy, then I would be concerned too.  If I hadn't heard my midwife say that he looks great and there is a lot of amniotic fluid around him, I'd be very concerned.  If I hadn't felt him somersaulting and moving so much and if I hadn't seen him head down so much, I'd just go right to the hospital and have done with it all.  If I hadn't just read a ton of articles online about babies being transverse even this late in pregnancy and turning, then I'd keep worrying like crazy

But we really want to give the Lord a chance to perform a miracle for us.  We firmly believe that He can, because He has already!!

Now, what I need dearly from you is your prayers! 

Please pray that Baby Boy will turn head down.  Please pray that his head will engage in the birth canal.  Please pray that it will stay there and that he will not turn around again.  

We promised that we would try everything we could and if Friday rolls around and he is still transverse, we will go in to the hospital.

Even typing that sentence gives me the creeps and there is no peace there for me.

So, my prayer warriors....

READY, SET, PRAY!!!!!!!!!

Checking In

I'm checking in again!

Nope, no baby yet.

Sorry to disappoint you.

I'm trying to keep my mind occupied as I await the end of this seemingly endless pregnancy!!! 

Thanks for your super, super kind comments and all of your prayers for me.

Maybe the next time I check in it will be to introduce Baby Boy!

Stay tuned....

Still Cooking

I thought that I'd better not leave you hanging anymore!

No, Baby Boy has not been born.

He's quite happy in his warm little home.

I saw my midwife Tuesday.  She felt around my tummy carefully and intensely and we were all disappointed to note that his head was probably up under my left rib cage again!

Bummer!

She decided to do a quick ultrasound, and she put the wand on my left rib cage....no head!

Baby Boy is head down.  She decided to do a quick and very gentle pelvic exam and I wasn't dilated at all, but my cervix is very soft.....and she could feel his head, although it wasn't engaged.

He hasn't got a lot of dropping to do.  

I'm due tomorrow, as everyone knows.

Since my last two babies have been born in the bathroom, tonight I put a little chair in there, right across from the toilet, with a warm blankie and some things to wipe him off when he comes out.  I also put his first hat and a warm pair of socks on the chair.  I felt the need to put that stuff in there, to be ready.

I don't think he'll be here tomorrow...

But stay tuned!

6 Days

Well, I guess this pregnancy is down to just the single numbers in terms of how long I have left.

In the beginning of this pregnancy, we thought for sure I was going to lose this baby too.

You see, from the time I found out I was pregnant again, back in late March, I was bleeding.  I knew what that meant.  Since I have a very, very hard time sustaining a pregnancy, I knew already not to get attached.  I knew to protect my heart.  I look back in my Bible and I see all of the passages of Scripture that I highlighted and marked and they all say "your promise will be fulfilled"…."Joy comes in the morning"…."Your valley of tears will turn into joy soon"……

It was hard to believe those things when cramps and blood stare you in the face.

Against all odds, this little life took root.  Strong root.  This baby was determined.

And against my "logical mind", I started to get attached.

There were a ton of tears in those early days.  There was a lot of fear.  Stress was rampant and emotions were out of control.  I was sure this baby would be the next one to be waiting for me in Heaven.

But here we are.

6 days until my due date.  

This miracle baby will not be denied.  He lives.  He kicks and squirms in my womb.  Sometimes his kicks take my breath away with their strength.  

He will not be denied.

Friends ask how I'm feeling right now.  Do they want to know the truth? Do they ask about my emotional health? 

My emotional health is the kicker right now.

Yes, I'm very large.  Yes, I'm feeling extremely pregnant.  Yes, I think I'm going to make it until my due date, and maybe beyond.  No, I have not been having lots of contractions.  Yes, the baby is very, very low. If he got any lower he'd be out.  That's fine that people want to know all about those things.

But my emotional health?

For me, right now, it's like trying to walk quickly over an iced over pond.  There are patches where I find it easy to just walk right over.  There are also patched which are holding me up.  They're the patches of ice on my journey that are thin and precarious and I'm begging God to help me get over them without falling in to the deep, frigid waters underneath the ice.

To me, the ice is thin right now.  It's fear.  It's anxiety.  It's irrational terror.  

Is this labor going to be like my other labors? Am I strong enough to do this again? Will I be able to love this baby? Will I get through this labor with strength and dignity? Will it hurt so much that I'll give in to the fear? Will he be alright? Will his birth be just as easy as all of my others? Where's the joy and excitement of meeting a new little son? How come I'm so freaked out?

These are the questions that I'm struggling with right now.

But it all comes down to one thing:

Do I trust my Lord, no matter what?

This conundrum has been plaguing, yes plaguing me, for weeks now.  I've been doing a LOT of praying! 

I WANT to trust my Lord.  He makes promises in His word.  He promises to give strength to the weary.  He promises to be a shelter to those who put their trust in Him.  He promises to protect and keep safe and carry me.

And that is my heart's cry! 

I know those of you who read my blog are praying for me.  I appreciate it! PLEASE don't stop.  I want this birth to be joyful and peaceful.  I want to be confident and have strength.  I want a miracle birth to match the miracle my son is.

Please Lord, help me to trust in You.  Lord, help me to know that I CAN trust in You.

Another Random Update

Well, it's been a bit too long since I've posted!

I can't have my friends out there thinking anything's wrong.

Okay, today I went to the doctor and my midwife and I'm officially 37 weeks and 5 days.  Baby Boy is looking off-the-charts awesome and I'm actually feeling better than I have this whole entire pregnancy! My friends who've had more than one baby are telling me this is the "calm" before labor and delivery! My midwife said so too.

I'm really thankful for my midwife, who has been delivering babies for over 30 years.  She never fails to listen to me and really hear me and she encourages me to listen to my heart and my intuitions. She says both are from the Lord and I ought to take them seriously.  When the doctor gives me the clinical, doom-and-gloom scenario, she always tells me different.  She told me today that God knows my body and that He created me to give birth.  It's always very encouraging to see my midwife!

We were able to get Baby Boy's crib.  I'm so happy and relieved.  I really didn't think we'd be able to get it anytime soon, or even later.....now we have to get his bedding.  I'm having it custom made by a sweet, sweet gal on Etsy, which is what I did for Sofia and Lucie.  The crib has been set up in our room for about two weeks and it still amazes me that there is actually going to be a baby sleeping in it very soon! And a Baby Boy! It's a really beautiful crib and I feel so, so incredibly blessed to have it.

I've been seeing my chiropractor regularly, as I did with my pregnancies with Lucie and Pennie.  I may have seen her also with Sofia, but I can't remember.  My chiropractor is specially trained in pregnancy adjustment and easing discomfort, and she is also trained in getting breech babies to turn head down.  She has a very, very high success rate there.  I absolutely cannot go through a pregnancy without seeing her regularly.  My pregnancies with Lucie and Pennie were physically the best ones I've had, and my labors and deliveries with them were the best too.  I know it's because of chiropractic care! I missed my appointment last month and I'm feeling it! I'm scheduled to go in this evening.....

On another bit of a rabbit trail, all of my older girls went with Daddy to get our Christmas tree! Hopefully they'll be back before my chiropractic appointment.  I really, really need an adjustment! Since we only have one car and I can't drive right now, I depend on my guys to take me places.  But if I don't make it to my appointment this evening, I have a back up appointment scheduled for Friday morning.

It's been really, really cold here lately.  The temperature around here has been down in the teens regularly, and we've had our fireplace going a lot! It's unusual weather for us.  Our winters usually are very wet around here.  Today marks the first day that it hasn't been icy and frosty.  It's 34 right now, and it's supposed to be back to regular rainy weather by tomorrow.  Since I'm super hot right now due to my Little Heater in my belly, I'm loving the cold weather.  It also makes it really seem Christmasy!

I have only gained one pound in the last few months.  Whew.  I've been craving iced tea a lot lately.  I'm going to make a big jug of it and put it in the fridge so I can be sipping on it.  Craving iced tea is unusual for me!  I'm still trying to drink a ton of water, and I'm actually not being very good to remember it.  Ugh.  I need to fill my water jug up right now!

Right now I'm sleeping better than I have throughout the whole pregnancy.  Sure, I use 4 pillows and sleep as upright as I can....but sleep is a valuable, precious commodity to me and I'm so grateful to be sleeping well at night.  I also sleep a lot during the first part of the day.  It's my body conserving energy for Baby Boy's Birth Day!

Anyway, I think that's all I had on my mind. And yes, I will let everyone know when Baby Boy arrives! Please pray for me, that I will have an uncomplicated, peaceful delivery and that I will be joyful and peaceful throughout labor and delivery.  Thank you!!

The Stable

"Let The Stable Still Astonish"

Let the stable still astonish~~
Straw, dirt floor, dull eyes.
Dusty flanks of donkeys, oxen,
Crumbling, crooked walls.
No bed to carry that pain,
and then, the Child,
rag-wrapped, laid to cry
in a trough.

Who would have chosen this?
Who would have said "Yes!
Let the God of all the heavens
and earth
be born here, in this place"?

Who but the same God
Who still stands 
in the darker, fouler rooms
of our hearts
and says 
"Yes! Let the God of heaven
and earth
be born here
in THIS place."

Leslie Leyland Fields