Fourteen

This girl is going to turn 14 tomorrow.
My firstborn girl.
I can't believe how fast the years have gone.
I can look back and see her at three years old, at Grandma and Papa's,
in that cowboy hat and those silly 80's roller skates.....
Wait, that was only yesterday!

She has become such a great young woman.
I marvel at her skills and her abilities......
She definitely takes after her Dad.
She loves knives and swords and guns and fishing poles.
She'd be great at karate.
She loves outdoor, hard work.

Hannah, we love you so much!
This is a bittersweet time for me.....
I want you to grow up and have a family of your own......
But.....
I want you to stay here with us, forever......
I see God blessing you, and I pray for more and more of His blessings.
I love you.

Pennie Jane

I think it's high time I did a post on Pennie!!
She's soooo yummy.  I really could eat her with a spoon.
In the first picture, Dave and I and our two oldest girls took her to a nursery south of us.
She was so good!

She loves having her picture taken.  She's 4 months old here.  I'm amazed that she's so gorgeous, and really sweet.

One of the things she is doing is she'll cram her face into my shoulder and open her mouth and growl or bellow...it's SO cute!!
She can roll over from her back to her tummy, whenever she's on the floor and OUT of
someone's arms!
Around here, she's being held all the time!
She's trying to grab things.
She can grab her toes.
She is just learning how to use her hands.
She's been in her Exersaucer a few times. She is starting to like it.....
She just discovered her reflection today in the mirror on it.....does she see Olivia?
She stared at herself for a good 10 minutes.

She sleeps through the night, usually about 6 hours. Praise God!
She takes good naps during the day.
Her new bed time is around 9-9:30, instead of 10:30!
She's a great nurser.  She nurses about every 2.5 hours.
She is a Mama's girl!!

She wears Kirkland (Costco brand) diapers, size1-2, or Luvs size 2.
Kirkland diapers are 13 cents a diaper.
Luvs diapers are 25 cents a diaper, on diapers.com.
I still cannot find a diaper that I love. They've changed so much, even since Lulu was born!
But I think I like Kirkland diapers, and the price is good!
She still can wear 3-6 month clothes, but mostly I have her in 6 month clothes.
She has lots of cute summer stuff, and I'm such a resale/thrift store junkie!!

I guess that's about it.  Thanks for tuning in!!

Ah-ha Moment

I had a revelation today while driving along on this absolutely magnificent summer day. Lately I have been pondering why God has not delivered me from this consuming grief.  I have been crying out, beseeching, begging Him to take it away.  And, let me be deadly honest here, I have to say I've been upset and sad and frustrated that He hasn't "done what He said He'd do."

I have to ask myself now, WHEN did He ever say He was going to take my pain away? WHEN did He say that I was on the wrong road? How can I be on the wrong road when this is where He has placed me? I never had a personal guarantee that I wouldn't hurt of feel pain or be devastated! I seem to have forgotten that lately.  I seem to have forgotten all of the verses in the Bible that promise His presence in trials and temptations, and light and momentary afflictions, and being poured out all the day like a drink offering......I have been feeling like the sky is a great big brass dome, and that He is nowhere to be found in my life.

Today was an "ah-ha moment" for me! I felt the proverbial "light" switching on.  Yeah, it was like lightning bolts and oh-my-word and all of that.

 He isn't going to take my pain away, and I'm not suddenly going to wake up on a different road tomorrow, and here's why: He doesn't want to take my pain away and He isn't going to because He wants me to learn through all of this.  Being here and feeling this anguish and sorrow is the only way He can teach me what this season means.  And He is here, the Bible promises He is! He's right in the midst of this battle with me, and with you! I will come out on the other side, at the end of this road, stronger and wiser than I was.  But, it takes walking this road to get there.  There's no other way.  This is where He wants me right now.  These feelings are what He wants me to feel so that I will constantly have to rely on Him and constantly call out to Him.

I don't think it will get easier right now but I do feel a bit more at peace right now.  The Bible promises that He is my shepherd.  The Word promises that even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I don't have to fear.  Scripture says that He was even with Job, whose suffering makes mine look like small potatoes! If I constantly place His statutes and promises before my eyes, they will guide me through this season.

And let me just say that I'm not saying He is incapable of delivering us from grief and pain and sorrow and anguish, oh no.  I'm not saying He's mean and cruel.  I believe that if it is His will, BAM, sorrow and mourning would leave in a flash.  However,  I do believe that He gives us trials and heartache and challenges and chooses not to deliver us from them to teach us and refine us and prune us and shape us.  There's sometimes no other way.  Please don't misread or mistake what I'm saying today.

I hope you take this revelation to heart too, for your own peace.  I think it applies to all of us who are hurting badly.  Meanwhile,  I'm going to start thanking Him for being with me right now.  Because He's been telling me He is!!!