Light

"If I say, 

'surely the darkness

shall fall

on me,'

Even the night

shall be light

about me...

indeed

the darkness

shall not hide

from You,

but the night

shines as 

the day...

the darkness

and the light

are both alike

to You."

Psalm 139:11-12

Trust

I keep thinking about this verse, and the concept of it, the idea of it, lived out.

"Trust in the Lord
with all your heart.
In all your ways
acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct 
your path." Proverbs 3:5~6

l keep wondering, contemplating, what this ought to look like, in my life.

It is a hard revelation, to me, to know that I am not trusting Him in all my ways.  

You may ask, how do you know you aren't trusting Him?

Well, because I keep constantly telling Him MY will, and MY desire, and MY timetable for all of those things.  I say I trust Him.....

But I know in my heart of hearts that I really do not.

You may think that is harsh, but I know it is true, and I am always examining the depths of the deepest parts of my heart and soul.  And I always come up with the gnawing revelation that....

All of my heart does NOT trust Him.
And in all of my ways I do not acknowledge Him.

I know this because I am constantly giving things to Him, and then at the turn of a coin, I take them back.  Over and over, on and on.  I say I want Him to have all of me, the very things that I hold the dearest, and then I snatch them back, like an angry toddler with a favorite toy.

I go through this, and on and on and on with it, most days.  

Oh, I have moments of what may look to me like trust.  I have moments when I pry open my selfish hands and hold that area up to Him...

But I know, way down where only He and I can see, that I need to trust Him more.  Fully.  All the way.  

IF I really did trust Him, wouldn't I just ask Him to do HIS will in my life and heart?  If I acknowledged Him in all of my ways, wouldn't I ask Him for HIS ways to be my ways??

This conundrum makes me sigh and, if I were a pacer, I'd pace ceaselessly.

And I tire of this give-and-take.

I know that He is gently nudging me to give ALL to Him.  I know that He never lets me forget that I must trust Him.  I know that trusting Him fully and acknowledging Him in all of my ways leads to life and joy and peace.

I ask myself, do I have the faith to trust Him? Do I have the faith to let Him inform my view of what that looks like?? Do I have the voice to truly, in all of my ways, acknowledge Him??

A dear friend, upon hearing that I felt my faith was smaller than a poppy seed, recently told me that at least there was a poppy seed.

And I struggle with knowing that my faith is so small, for one who has been a Christian for almost 27 years.

As I write this post, and as I roll these things around in my mind, I wonder if anyone else has these same thoughts.

I wonder, how does trust look to you?

Still Here

I'm still here!!

I just wanted the two people who read my blog to know I'm still here!!

I've thought of posts, then rejected or forgot about them.

I'm wanting to post every other day, and want to make it a mix of things, from serious to contemplative to random....

I'm planning on taking you two readers on a spectacular and breath-stealing tour of my home.  My home is waiting to be featured in Poor Homes and Nonexistent Gardens magazine! Yes, it's as exciting as all that!

For some randomness, I painted my fingernails the other day, for the first time in like 15 or more years.  I went all out and painted them a Sally Hanson Ruby Red Diamond Hard color.  I love it.....but for a mama with 8 kids and a busy day, it isn't that practical! However, I did it anyway and the girls were overwhelmingly wowed by my nails! Pennie sits on my lap and strokes my nails and murmurs.  

Pennie is going to be two years old tomorrow.  Be still my sobbing heart! These two years have streaked by! She's out helping Daddy and the kids form out our first-ever garden.

The fabulous house tour that I intend to take my two readers on will include pictures of my not-really Master Bedroom, as well as our one-and-only, fantastic and failing Bathroom For Ten People! You won't want to miss out on getting a glimpse at our only bathroom.  It will wow you and intrigue you!!

We're having a rare blue sky sunshine day here, and Daddy, who is extremely efficient and never, ever wastes a single moment of any day, has everyone out back, priming the ground for the garden mentioned above.

I'm taking the rare moment when everyone is occupied and out of the house to read a great author my son recommended to me.  

My son is my sweetie pie, and even at almost 18, he melts my heart! He's so gallant toward me......last night, while watching a random episode from an old season of American Idol, he told me I was so much prettier than any of those gals on the show!! Sigh.  What a charmer he is!!

And on that note, upon hearing that he is the only boy in our family, everyone always asks if he goes crazy or they say, "Poor Boy!"  Kind, bemused people always speculate on what a good husband he'll be.  If he treats his wife half as well as he treats me, he's good to go!!

Daddy is off this week.  This means little except that he is a vague presence in our home as he works gruelingly and diligently on music projects.  Maybe we'll get one Family Day out of him before he goes back to work!!

So, there you have it! I know my two readers are tantalized and curious about the upcoming fabulousness that will become my blog! Thanks to the two of you who I hope are still hangin' in there with me~~I appreciate and love both of you!!

Motherhood

I'm reading a book called "The Mission of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. I've read it before, many years ago.  

This is one of those books where you keep your highlighter and your notebook close at hand.  It's a rich and true look at our role in life: that of a mother.  Sally Clarkson dives in depth into Scripture to find the real definition of motherhood and where it is supposed to figure into our lives as women.

I thought I'd give you a taste of what I found so accurate and genuine in just the first chapter.

~"Because God has blessed me with a husband and children, a part of his call to me is to follow His plan for families.  And that means I am to shepherd the hearts of these children whom He has providentially placed in my care. I am to care for them tenderly and to partner with God and my husband in leading my children to know and love His Word and to follow His will.....
~"I will grow into the kind of person God wants me to be as I live out my life in faith and seek to be faithful in my walk with God; as I nurture and honor my commitment to my husband and children and family and home; as I exercise my skills, training and gifts toward those whom God has placed on my path....
~"In fact, I have come to believe that being a mother encompasses all that is best within me."
~"The mission of motherhood is not simply a lifestyle choice.  It is a divine calling that will indeed affect eternity."

As I have read the first chapter of this book, I think about my role right now as a mother, especially the mother of a boy who will step into adulthood in a mere two months, and as the mother of 7 girls, two of whom are young women now.  Previously I have mourned the loss of the baby stage, of the toddler stage....I have actually thought, deep down, that beyond these stages of babyhood and toddlerhood my role as a mother was over.

Oh, how untrue this is!

I can look at my young man and my two young ladies and rejoice! These three people have become my very best friends, and the ones which I would rather be with than anyone else.  My young ladies have become my sisters! My young man has become all that is best in a protector and friend! 

I can look forward to these very vital years as a time of seeing them try their wings.  I can look at the future and smile because my husband and I have planted seeds in their hearts that are just now starting to blossom.  

I don't have to be sad and mourn and weep at the loss of babyhood and toddlerhood in these three young people.  Sure, the future is unknown and that in itself is cause for a bit of fear on my part, but instead of babies and toddlers in these three, I have gained best friends.

This mindset is extremely new to me.

Sally Clarkson said that "life as a mother is more exciting to me now than ever before~~especially as I begin to see the fruits of my earlier labors. The foundations that were laid in my children's lives, little by little, have given them the ability now to reach for the sky."

 Mothering young adults does not mean that I can sit back and coast along, but maybe God is calling me to see this new chapter in a different way than wearing sackcloth and ashes of mourning.

And as they all still live at home and will for some time, maybe it is time I reach for the sky right along with them, right beside them!

Advice

What do you do when your friend is grieving?

I'd like to place before you some ideas on how to more effectively help your grieving friend.  These are just some things that helped me during my grieving times, and maybe you can feel more comfortable and competent where once you may have felt nervous and unsure.

• Don't say, "I understand" .  It's really okay to admit that you are out of your league or don't really understand.  
• Be available to just listen. Your friend just needs a comforting presence right now and avoiding them says that, truthfully, you really don't care or that they aren't a priority in your life.  Be available to listen.  Be present to just sit with her.  Don't feel obligated to be witty or or pithy or wise.  You ought not to feel impelled to talk at all, in fact. Quiet listeners are very few and far between and a lovely gift!
• On a more practical note, offer to clean their house, do their laundry wash windows or do dishes for them. Cleaning is probably the very last thing on their mind right now.  Helpful, practical friends are a true blessing, and dusting or vacuuming for your friend leaves her free to fully concentrate on the healing process.
• Organize a meal preparation circle for her. Get your knitting circle, Bible study friends, or zumba group together.  For me, this was the biggest blessing and the kindest thing anyone ever did! Be as generous as you can for as long as possible. Freezer meals and crock pot goodies are some ideas for filling her house with meals so she doesn't have to cook.
• Make a charitable donation in memory of your friend's lost loved one. When our 6th baby, Janie, was stillborn, we chose to purchase Bibles from the Gideons in her name and donate them to our hospital. On the front page of the Bible it said, "donated in memory of Janie Rose Gilchrist, 5-13-04". You know your friend and you know the causes and organizations that are near and dear to her heart. It doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate to be a blessing. I highly recommend donating blankets or bottles to your local crisis pregnancy center or the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep foundation.
• Put together a basket of goodies for your friend according to her hobbies or loves.  A Quiet Time basket with a good book or devotion, hot tea or cocoa, a candle and a bookmark is one idea. Go the extra mile and include a plate of cookies or muffins!
• The most important and best way to help your friend is to continuously pray for her. Nobody understands better than our Lord Jesus! Let your friend know you are praying diligently for her and then, do it! When her name comes up in conversation, pray! Jesus is our Shepherd and the Holy Spirit will comfort and soothe her in countless ways.

I pray that this has been a helpful post full of practical ideas to make you a more confident minister to your friend.  My friends did these things for me and I will never, ever forget their kindness, sympathy and generosity.  Don't be afraid to ask the Lord for strength and boldness to be able to more effectively console and comfort your friend!

Some Things

Here are some things about me that you REALLY must know!!

~I've realized and remembered that I really love watching college basketball and football! We don't have cable or satellite, so I never get to watch it and haven't watched any sports for at least 18 years (when we turned off the cable...satellite TV wasn't even on the radar yet).  I was in Les Schwab Tire Store Saturday and the TV was on, and an Atlantic Coast Conference Basketball game was playing, with North Carolina Tarheels playing against Maryland.  It was exciting! It was fun...but I had to remember that I was in a public store and, well....

~My girls and I watched the Tournament of Roses parade this year.  Have you ever seen it? It's on a major street in Anaheim, CA.  It coincides with the Rose Bowl every year on New Year's Day.  When I was a child, we watched it every year.  I guess we could have gone to it since we lived less than an hour away.  It was as wonderful as I remember it.  I really liked it and so did my girls.  Those floats are amazing and creative and intricate...and the marching bands were fun! Of course the day was perfect for a parade, as are almost all days in CA!

~Pennie was singing in her sleep the other night.  I nearly swooped her up and brought her into bed with me just so I could kiss on her and snuggle her...but she was sleeping.  Darn.

~I love boots.  Need I say more?

~I have a Shopping Bag saved on Shade Clothing.  I also have a Shopping Bag saved on J Jill. I'm trying to figure out how I can order my stuff!! Let's see...I could sell my first born, only son....I could have a garage sale, in the middle of winter, on a 30 degree day, with nothing...I could sell snow cones on the street corner downtown.....I could open up a traveling llama grooming service....alas, I'm afraid that I must only dream about the beautiful and cute things in my two shopping bags. But beautiful and cute they certainly, definitely are! I really love classy, well-made clothing.

~We just found out yesterday that one of our dear, dear young friends is being courted by a really nice young man...but he lives in Maryland.  NO!

~Daddy is off this week.  I know he'll be so busy that maybe I can chat with him on FB!

~We have three girls who have birthdays in January and they've all decided to have a Birthday Bash together! It's coming up and it's going to be so wonderful and fun!

~I sang opera yesterday.  In my home.  And the curtains waved in the breeze! I watched Beverly Sills, who was an operatic soprano and founded the New York Opera, and Danny Kaye, a comedian who was in White Christmas with Bing Crosby.  They did a two-et (his words) together and it was hysterical and so, I decided I was going to dust off my opera voice.  Yep.  Opera is a LOT of work!!

~I am probably going to have my favorite coffee drink today, thanks to my wonderful friend who gave me a pre paid card for Christmas! My husband lets me refill the card sometimes....I can't wait for my little indulgence!

~It's really, REALLY hard for me to notice that my girls are growing up.  It starts happening first at around 6, when they start losing the little girl look, and then again at around 9, when they start thinning out and getting tall and elegant and looking like young ladies, and then, the sword in the heart really stabs at 12, when they start looking womanly....HOW am I going to give them away??

~I love my van.

~I'd love to have a beautiful, restful bedroom that is a retreat.

~I love Pottery Barn.  

~If I turn on the oven a bit when I wake up in the (early) morning when it's 23 degrees, it warms up the kitchen and dining room rather nicely.  I really like to be warm and cozy but not hot.  It's really hard for my legs and feet to get warm... 

~On that note, I'm a bit obsessed with socks.  Warm, thick socks.  I buy them at thrift stores (don't worry, I wash them!).  However, it seems that as soon as I buy a batch of socks, the Little Sock Troll sneaks in and steals them and we're left with a bunch of socks without matches.  If you see this Troll, please arrest him and take our socks back! I love to wear socks around the house as we have wood floors, but....

~I was contemplating getting a bathrobe.  However, then I would never want to get dressed because I'd be too snug and comfy! So that's probably not going to transpire!

~If there was one random thing, just ONE, that you would want others to know about you, what would it be?? TELL!!

Sweet

Lucie is almost 4.

I can't believe it.

She's very light blonde with sky blue eyes.

Her eyes remind me of the sky on a perfect spring day.  I always marvel at the unusually clear, blue beauty of her eyes!

She really is the sweetest 3 year old I know. She's never been a brat.  She never went through the requisite "terrible two" stage.  She's always had a very mellow personality. And I'm ever so thankful for that.

I love her laugh! She can go from zero to hysterical very quickly.  It's such a unique laugh, woven through with pure bliss and contentment.  When she laughs it makes all of us laugh too! It's what I imagine an elf's laugh to sound like.

Joyful.  

That's my Lucie.

Recently she received an early birthday present.  It was a gift card! She had never gotten a gift card before and she felt so grown up!

Last night she got to go on a date with Daddy, just her and Daddy, to spend her card.

She came home with a bag full of goodies.  Licorice.  Mints.  Fruit leather.  Chocolates.....

And she proceeded to pass them out to her sisters and her brother!

On her own.

She was so delighted.  She was so humble.  

Everyone was so surprised! It was like Christmas again and everyone opening their stockings, one by one!

She displayed the shine one gets from doing something nice for someone.  You'd have thought the Lord sprinkled glitter over her.  She fairly glowed with love and satisfaction.

She even got something for Pennie.

I wondered, what 3 year old would ever do something like that?

I can't wait to see what this year holds for her!