Heaven

I think about Heaven a lot.

I think it's an awfully big place.....

I hear in my mind the laughter of children and their singing as they come freely to Jesus.

I see the sunshine and I feel the breezes, laden with the scent of the Rose of Sharon.

My mind can't comprehend just how vast a place Heaven must be!

It must be truly massive to hold all of the babies killed by abortion since time began.

It must be a large country to hold all the children who died of cancer and things like that.

I think it must be a limitless place to hold all the babies who have died of SIDS, or miscarriage, or stillbirth. I think those babies are fully realized people there.

I think the weather must be perfect there. I always see green hills and technicolor grass and mountains, and over it all, the sun is always brilliantly shining.

My heart aches today, for all the mommies whose babies are there.

I often contemplate what my Janie looks like, or how old she is. What color is her hair? Does she have blue eyes like our other children? Curly hair or straight?

For some reason, I always picture her with dark, gently curling hair.

I wonder what our three babies are doing up there! I think they're playing, and running, breathing and whole, worshipping Jesus as they walk along with Him, holding His hand.

I often think about Heaven, but it's so hard for me to be homesick for it. You see, I think I have a slice of Heaven here on earth, being surrounded by such treasures in my 6 earthly children and my dear husband.

It's so hard for me to want to leave all of this for an unknown land. Some would say I'm too earthly minded.

I know how much I think about Heaven. It's different when you have loved ones there, isn't it?

Don't get me wrong, I do want to go to Heaven and do look forward to that trip someday........

But I've been allowed to live Heaven here.....and I'm blessed beyond measure, and though my heart is battered and bruised by a God I do not profess to understand, in my feeble way, in my limited heart, I choose to worship Him and to thank Him for the loan of these children I know here in my arms and beside me, and even for the babies I did not get to know.

Lord, please accept my clumsy attempt at worshiping You in the way that I can. I truly do surrender all that I have left to You, and as small as it is, I offer myself to You for whatever You would use me for. I choose to thank You, praise You, and use the voice You have given me to glorify You in spite of heartache and deep wounds.

Thank You for my life, Lord. Thank You.