My Voice

Okay, let's talk about my voice.

I've said before that I sing.  I've been singing since about 1979, in one choir or another.  That means I've been singing since kindergarten. I'm a soprano.  I sing first soprano.  I like to warm my voice up with a little Julie Andrews, who is an icon in my life.  Or Jane Powell. Think Millie in Seven Brides for 7 Brothers.

It's the thing that I do.  It's the only "talent" I have.  I'm not the kind of gal who does a little of this and a little of that and is good at this and that and the other thing.  I'm not naturally endowed with lots of abilities, especially in the athletic department, but that's another post entirely.

Rabbit Trail.  Excuse me.  Thank You.

Anyway, I sing.  I'm told I sing well.  My voice has been called amazing.  Incredible. Gorgeous.  People who have sat in front of me at church have turned around and said, "Oh! THAT'S where that gorgeous singing was coming from!" My husband is always trying to get me to sing.  He wants me to join that choir and this choir and sing here and there and there.  I've been on this worship team and this worship team.  I've gone to All State Choir.  I've done Music in May.

I don't share that to brag.  I don't share that because I'm feeling particularly arrogant today.  

I share it because I've told myself for my entire life that nobody wants to hear my voice.  I'm so self-conscious about my voice that I haven't used it in years, beyond in private.  I'm almost chagrined to have this voice.  Apologetic.  I'm super shy about it....

But I don't want to be anymore.

Finally, after 33 years of singing, I've decided to accept my voice.  I've decided to even try to  like my voice.

I've learned that hating my voice is actually almost blaspheming God.  After all, He's the one who gave it to me.  He is the only One Who gives good gifts.  He knew it would be perfect for me.....so why do I criticize His work so? 

I've learned that as Christians, we are supposed to be actively using our gifts that God has given us.  I've learned that there is nobody else who can sing like me.  There is nobody else out there who has this voice.  

And He gave it to me to use.  He gave it to me to take it out and use it.

He did not give it to me to pack it away and let it stagnate.  

For my whole life, I've felt that to enjoy my voice is conceited.  Egotistical.  Just plain braggacious.

And so, I've become my worst critic.  My hardest judge.  I'm the hardest one for me to please.

In all of these thoughts, I recognize that not many people can sing like I do.  I'm not saying I'm Celine Dion or Judy Garland......but I have a good voice.  My husband even wants to work with me.  He wants to do a CD of me.  I don't think he'd want to do that if I sounded like a drunk Cookie Monster.

So, the challenge for this period of my life, for me, is to use the voice.  To stop being afraid of it.  To actually know that it's okay to feel proud after a performance well rendered.  My voice makes others happy and it's okay if I feel happy in that too.  I want to also be able to accept compliments and praise graciously and with aplomb, thereby blessing the person who gives the compliment.  

I love to sing.  I love to sing because I love to see people cry.  And smile.  And remember.

Music is a very powerful medium.  And I want to be part of that power.

Sometime soon I will have my husband post me singing on here.

Music is very powerful.  And I'm learning to be an accepting part of my role in that power.