Haphazard

Things that are on my mind today:

• I'm searching for a tiny bird charm so that we can make a bracelet in memory for Olivia, to be given to Pennie and also used in a photo shoot that may happen when Pennie is 2 weeks old.  A tiny bird just reminds me of Olivia and is so sweet and delicate and as soon as I found out she had died the image of a bird came to me, with stick legs and a small fat body, just an outline.  Haven't found the perfect charm yet...
• I had the chance to read the Pioneer Woman's book "Black Heels to Tractor Wheels".  Not my favorite book of the year.  Now, this is just MY honest thoughts about the book! Don't bombard me with nasty emails because I didn't like it! I finished it in two hours.  It was too simply written for my taste.  Dare I say it was a bit too trashy for my taste too? I wouldn't recommend it.
• Thank God for blue sky days after days and days and DAYS of rain and gray and gloomy! 
• When Janie was born still, we had a big memorial service for her, and we always pick a color for our stillborn babies, and hers was pink.  For Olivia, I picked light purple.  My friend gave us a fluffy, cozy purple blanket at my shower, and I immediately knew it was for Olivia.  We will wrap her in it when she's born and transport her to our hometown funeral home, where she will be buried right next to Janie.  The blanket is on the shelf in the closet, waiting for Delivery Day.
• We will have a small, very private service for Olivia at the same chapel where we had Janie's.  The very wonderful grief counselors and directors who arrange these things already have a floral spray arrangement in mind for her, for the top of her box.  We will not be inviting anyone, just us.
• It's so hard to make the kids do schoolwork on such a nice day, when all they want to do is go outside! I wonder if I'll get in trouble from the Principal??
• Last night, Lucie came out of the girls' room clutching her arm and sobbing....she couldn't be consoled and she was refusing to use her arm or move it and was holding on to it.  At bed time she was inconsolable and we gave her Tylenol. We checked her arm out and it wasn't swollen or red or anything, and nobody knew what happened.  She slept on and off and would wake up crying, until Dave put her in bed with us.  She slept there for a bit then he put her back to bed, where she settled down and slept.  I was going to take her in today because we feared her arm was either broken or fractured.  When she woke up this morning, she was perfectly fine! PRAISE GOD! I think either her elbow or shoulder was out of joint and she must have turned over in the night and popped it back in.  She's back to her cheerful, happy self now!
• I'm tired of being fearful and letting fear of labor and delivery consume me.  The bottom line is I'm living in sin by living in fear and anxiety.  So, working on standing against the fear!
• I keep having dreams where I am in the final stage of labor and Pennie's coming and I put my hand down there and cradle her head and catch her body.
• I slept soooo good last night!
• I can't wait to be on the other side of having a baby! I'm looking forward to an excuse to be lazy and unproductive!I need nursing jammies, nursing bras, nursing tanks and some stretchy capris to wear after Pennie's born.  I hate that sloppy, milk-soaked, disheveled feeling after having a baby.  I want to be pretty and not have to sleep in Dave's old shirts and wake up soaked.  I picked out some stuff online and hopefully I'll get to order it soon.

Wow, I didn't know my brain could hold all of that! It's time for me to call the girls in and admonish them to get something done!