Afflictions

Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you.
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, yes, 
I will help you.
I will uphold you with 
My righteous right hand.


Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord
and He shall sustain you.
He shall never permit 
the righteous
to be moved.


Oh, how I cry out to God for mercy and strength and a steadfast and brave heart to bear my afflictions.  I guess I haven't been reading my Bible regularly, which gives affirmation and encouragement in all times.  I do not know why I have gotten away from my precious Word! 


I want to ask you all to pray for me, for a different reason this time.   I have a physical affliction.  I have hesitated to make my affliction known, for the fact that it is a terrible and heavy cross to bear.  


You see, when I turned 30, after a rear-end accident in our old van.........I began to have seizures.  


Yes, seizures.  


I have seen two neurologists, and I am not classified as an epileptic, due to the fact that I only tend to have 2-4 seizures a year.  I tend to have a couple, spaced out every few months, when I'm pregnant.  The triggers are stress and lack of sleep.  As you know, I've been under a great deal of stress lately, and my sleep is suffering terribly.


I have hesitated to make this known on my blog, and to most people, and I think it's the enemy trying to isolate me and beat me down.  I believe strongly in strength in numbers, especially in the Body of Christ.  Prayer is a powerful thing.  When God's people pray for each other, wonderful things happen.  When God's people encourage each other, strength comes, and nothing seems insurmountable, even the most seemingly awful circumstances.  I believe praying for each other and encouraging each other is our primary function as the Body.


I am under the care of a very, very competent naturopathic physician and we have had success in controlling my seizures with natural remedies that are so much healthier than conventional meds, which only treat symptoms and throw band-aids at you.  We are treating the underlying causes, and it has been successful.  We have been able to control my disorder just as well as if I were taking prescription meds that would ruin my health.  However, I have gone off of some of my supplements that I have been taking for years, for foolish reasons.  I will be going back on the full regiment of supplements immediately.


I had an episode on Dec 23, and again this morning at about 6:30.  


My blood sugar is low.  My sleep is not good.  I have been depressed and sad and stressed, for obvious reasons.


So, I say all that to say that the enemy would have me feel like a freak, and alienate me.  He is doing his best to discourage me and beat me down over this ailment.  


I DO feel discouraged!  I DO feel like a freak!


People, if ever there was a time in which I needed your prayers, it is now.  


I deeply desire to be healed, but God, in His unfathomable wisdom, has not seen fit to do that.  I do not claim to know the mind of the Lord, nor have I ever been or presume to be His counselor.  I do know that though I feel alone and lonely and in the deep wilderness.......


He has never left me.  


And here is how I know that fact:  I have never, ever had a seizure anywhere but my home, in the wee hours of the morning. 99% of them have been in my bed.  With the exception of a couple of times, Dave has always, always been home to take care of me and hold me.  I do not have permanent damage, other than long-term memory loss, which can be corrected and restored with natural supplements.  In pregnancy, my babies have never been harmed.  I have never, ever had one while driving.


I do thank Him for these small mercies!


Will you rally with me in this?? I hesitate to ask more you all to pray for me for yet another thing!  I do not want to overburden you! I do not want to be needy.......


But the time has come to cast myself on your mercies so that you can lift me up in prayer.


I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I have found this blogging community to be such a source of love and courage and support and Godly wisdom.


And right now, I need courage.  And strength.


Praise God for you all!