Thursday, September 27, 2012


Well, how's your Fall shaping up so far??

Yes, Autumn officially arrived on September 22.'s 100 degrees where you live?

I guess that doesn't make if feel very much like Autumn, does it??

I mean, what is Autumn but cool temperatures, crispy nights, warm sweaters,  Fall colored makeup and yummy, spicy scented candles?? I think, if it is still hot as Hades in your neck of the woods (or prairie, as it were) then I say, take measures to persuade Fall that it is time to visit your area!!

I'll give you a little glimpse of things in our area: as of now, it's a cool 65 degrees.  The sky is a very gentle, soft blue and there is a small breeze blowing.  We can smell a tiny tang of wood fires and the leaves are just touched with fiery gold, russet, and brick red on the tips of their leaves.

If I could, I'd have a big crock pot of spiced cider slowly warming and scenting the kitchen, and some fragrant candles burning, reminiscent of what makes Fall the best time of the year! There'd be a large kettle of thick, luscious soup on the back burner......sigh.  I can almost smell the goodness!

I'm looking forward to wearing sweaters and Fall shades of makeup.  I'm anticipating more mellow, deep colors like plum, peacock blue, mustard yellow, burnt orange and gold.  Ahhhh.....I love Autumn so much that I plan on adorning my home with these colors (if we ever do get to do such a thing!) I have a small 8"x8" piece of scrapbook paper hanging in my school room depicting all of those colors, so that if ever the time comes, I will be free to fling my most favorite colors over my house!

I love Home Sweet Home candles by Yankee.  I also love pumpkin pie and crave it! I'll be making a few rich, luxurious, silky and wonderful pumpkin pies in the next couple of weeks, along with my famous pumpkin and carrot cake muffins too!! And of course, pumpkin and carrot cake muffins would never be fully dressed without a generous swirl of cream cheese frosting!!!!

Now, if I've titillated your senses, I ask you:

How do you welcome Fall into your home??

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


I'm posting today strictly on random things.

Wait.  Most of my posts have an element of randomness thrown in somewhere, so how different will this post be for me??


Just feeling like being random today and besides, I haven't posted in over a week, so it's time for another absorbing, beautifully worded post!

Yesterday was my 19th anniversary.  My husband and I marveled at how quick those 19 years went by.  By next year, our 20th, I will have been married to him half of my life! That seems like such a long time to me but if the flying of time is any evidence, then it truly was so short!

I was craving Wendy's chili cheese fries and a Coke today....even though I do not usually eat that kind of stuff.  I know how horrible it is for me, but man, I still craved it! You can send me tons of kudos because I did not give in to that craving.  I will tell you that whenever I have a craving, it usually takes a force of nature or an act of God to stop me from craving it and giving in to it!

Yesterday I asked Lucie, who's three, where God lives.  She said "He's in church."  And then I asked her, "where else is He?" She said, "He's in my heart.  And God is Jesus."  Man.  Melt my heart over and over again!! So yes, a three year old does have the ability to understand spiritual truths!

I really want to get a pedicure.  I've only had one in my life and that was about 6 years ago, I think.  I'd love to have some daisies on my toes! Unfortunately, that's just not in the budget!!!

The Women of Faith conference is quickly approaching.  I have mixed feelings about it....leaving my kids for an entire LONG day is hard for me.  Yes, I've heard all of the "you need time for yourself" arguments, as well as the "it won't kill you to be away from your kids" mentality, coupled with the "alone time for you is essential".  I know I will be okay and they'll be okay and I'll have a rich and deep time, but it's still hard for me to leave them!

I love sugar snap peas.  I love eating them, shell and all! They are yummy and fresh and crispy.  Try them!

I need some green eye shadow.  I like a teenie bit of drama on my eyes.  I do wish I had longer eye lashes.  That's okay, I'll work with what I have!

My tomatoes are going crazy on their vines.  The only thing is, they're taking their own sweet time turning red! Seriously, on one of my vines there are at least 16 tomatoes.  I do love tomatoes.  I mean, a tomato sandwich sounded super delish this morning! So I hope my tomatoes ripen up before the weather turns unfriendly to tomatoes!

I look forward to when my husband comes home from work each day.  I breathe a bit easier.  Everyone streams out of the house and runs to his car to meet him.  It is precious to see and I know it lifts his spirits!

I'm so thankful that we still have afternoon nap time here for Lucie and Pennie.  It's so good for their little bodies to refuel and they do get so tired by 1:00.  I've adapted our schedule to save some schoolwork until they go down.  We usually do away with nap time around 4 or 5 years old.  But I do take it on a child-by-child basis! 

I do love my blog readers.  I have two or three readers that have become friends, and that makes me happy.  Thanks to those out there who have been reading my blog, and leaving me comments.  I love responding to your comments, and some day maybe we will meet in real life!

Take care out there, and have a peaceful and fulfilling evening!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

On Sadness

I've had a bit of grief in my life.  

Actually, by some standards, I've had more than a bit.  To me, it is too much.  To me, I live every day with grief.  

Grief is the kind of emotion that strikes you unaware.  Out of the blue.  You can never be prepared for the deepness of it or the raw, tearing harshness.

Grief does dull over time.  But the maxim "time heals all wounds" is laughably false and just isn't true.  Time does blunt grief and sadness, but the reality of it is that the scar will always be there.  This I have found from experience.

Too much experience.

It has been over 8 years since Janie was stillborn.  And yes, that wound is now muted, most of the time quiet...but there are days when I look at Sara and Kellie and I see how Janie might have been the third muskateer in their group. But it was not to be and can never be, and then, my heart shouts at me.

And I cry.

Next month, on the 19th, it will be two years since Olivia went to be with Jesus.  I don't say we lost her.  I don't say that because I know where she is and I have the assurance that one day, I will go to Jesus, where she is, and I will see her.

But my heart is still broken.  Shattered.  It hasn't been put back together all the way just yet.  There are days when I am sure my heart will bleed forever and that I will die from the sharpness of the grief.  There are moments when I feel the physical pulse of the anguish of her leaving.  There are times when the agony of knowing there could have been two of her causes something akin to despair to rise up in my soul.

I used to beg God to take away the wound.  I used to plead with Him to please just make the gaping sore go away.  I have asked why.  I have wondered at God's goodness to give us two at once and then, I have railed at Him and shouted at Him for His harshness of taking one away.  I have tried to harden my heart against Him.  I have tried to ignore and block out and turn my face away from Him.  I have even shaken my pathetic fist at Him and clenched my teeth and spewed at Him the hot, raging vitriol that I knew better than He does and that He just didn't know what He was doing.

These things I used to do before I realized that the suffering of having a deep and desperate pain drives me to Him. I have learned that there is nowhere else I can go, and nobody and nothing else who can help me. I have come to know that the scar, that horrible, ugly scar, will never go away.  I will bear the scars for the rest of my earthly life.  It serves to remind me of my desperate need of Him.

And I don't mind so much anymore.  

The Lord says that blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.  He says that He will make the Valley of Baca, or the Valley of Tears, a place of fertile greenness.  He makes many promises in His word concerning grief and sadness and mourning.

I have not experienced, thus far, my valley turning to lushness.  I have not noticed rivers of joy or praise and song rising from my chasms.  But here and there, I have found a single flower.  Or a brilliant blade of grass.  I know I am having better days when I can talk about my babies in Heaven without breaking down sobbing.

I see these blades of grass or these beautiful flowers when I minister to another who is walking the same path.

I ran across some wisdom this morning on the subject of sadness.  I want to share it here with you.  Forgive me for not making note of the author of this pearl of wisdom.  It came to me from Women of Faith in an email that was in my junk folder because I just don't usually read those from WOF anymore because they really don't contain anything I can use....but this one hit home for me:

"On a list of emotions that we try to avoid, sadness tops the list~~yet not only is sadness normal, it is a gift from God.  Sadness prompts us to pray, reminds us that we need others, calls us to be honest with ourselves and God and creates compassion in our hearts for others."

This was fresh knowledge for me.  It gave me a new perspective on grief and sadness and what I was to do with these emotions.  Job was referenced, and I was enlightened.  

I am hurting.  At times I am suffering.  At times my affliction gets the best of me.  But I am now assured that these feelings are normal on my journey and that I am not condemned for them.  The Bible speaks volumes on the valleys and grief and sadness and mourning....but I now know that I can glorify God even in the midst of my most desolate of days.

And that is truly what I want to do.

I want to live out the faithfulness that He has shown me.  I pray that I can gracefully bear this burden that He has asked me to bear...and maybe He asked it of me because He saw that I was strong enough.

With His strength, I am.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


I get to go to the WOF Conference!!!!


Countdown: Exactly 30 days!!!!!


Monday, September 3, 2012

Working On It!

Just so's everyone out there knows:

My problem is in the process of being solved!!

Thanks for the input!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

What To Do

I have a problem!

Give me some advice, thoughts, or ideas, okay??

The thing is, a couple of days ago I heard about the Celebrate What Matters Women of Faith conference.  I saw that Angie Smith and Selah were going to be there.  I have both of Angie's books, and Selah is one of my favorite groups.  I got to thinking how awesome it would be if I could go, and I found out that the conference was going to be in a city that was only an hour away from where I live! Well, I knew it was going to be expensive, and I knew I could not afford it, and I got kinda down.  I went to a WOF conference quite a number of years ago with my friend and it was great and we shared a hotel room so we were able to split the cost.....

To make a long story short, I was searching around on the WOF site and I saw a link that said "Want To Volunteer?" and I clicked the link.  Apparently they needed volunteers for my area and I thought, what if I volunteered?? Then I could go for free!!! So, I filled out the application, never thinking in a million years that they'd need me, thinking they already had lots of volunteers.....

Well, the coordinator for my area emailed me to let me know that I had been chosen for the job of usher! I was pumped!!!!

And then.....I came back to earth!

How would I get there? Where would I stay? How was I going to afford a hotel room? I was going to have to drive there by myself?? Wow.  It's a really big city and I've never driven in that city and I don't have a single shilling for a hotel room!!!!

See, I often think about doing things before I analyze the whole situation.  Looking at the whole situation usually stops me from doing foolish things, but this time, I guess it didn't.

It's like this: I so desperately wanted to go to this conference that I basically covered my eyes and just jumped into it without planning first.  So now I'm in this situation and I really want to help and volunteer.....but I just don't know if I can!

I lack funds for a hotel room.  I have to be there before 3:45 PM on Friday and at 7 AM on Saturday.  I must stay till after 5 PM on Saturday.  I have not the foggiest clue as to how to get to the arena in which the conference is being held.


I think God has something for me there.

I want to be in an environment with beautiful worship and deep preaching.  

I want to do this thing.

Truthfully, driving in the Big City frightens me! I've never really driven in a Big City.

And, the clincher: I jumped into this whole thing without telling my husband I was going to do it.  I didn't tell him about it beforehand.  I filled out the application without asking his advice. 

I never do that.


The conference is October 5-6.  I have a little over a month to figure out this problem.

If you have any wisdom for me, I'd appreciate it if you left me a comment!